I often find myself preparing, and thinking about the "next thing". What "next thing" you might ask? It doesn't really matter, just whatever might be next. Some days I think about when we redo our living room, when we buy a house of our own, when we have kids, when I get to see my family, or even just the little things, like an upcoming weekend, a dinner with friends, etc.
This has become more evident to me as I have started this new job. I find myself still looking for the "next thing" and realize that this is it! i do not have another semester of classes, one more clinical, one more paper, or one more exam. I am done with that time (Thank you Jesus!) and for the next year or more, this job, three days a week, is my "next thing". I don't at all want it to sound like I am not enjoying my job, I AM! I am loving it, but I find myself waiting, as if something is about to surprise me, or something will change. I have changed from being a tech to being a nurse, and I love it, so I don't really understand why I keep waiting for something different. This is not even a conscious thought for me, just something I think is in the back of my mind.
I have realized that this has become a habit, and is one I would like to break. I am often not worrying about tomorrow, but I am still caught up thinking about it. I want to live in what is going on today. I want to fully enjoy every second with my husband, every hour spent cleaning my house, every phone call with my siblings, afternoon with friends, days with Mom, etc. I do not want to be so caught up in looking ahead that I forget what is going on now. Obviously, I think it is fine to look forward to things, but what is the balance between being excited about things ahead, and discontentment with current situations?
Does anybody else ever battle with this?
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4 comments:
OK, I'm guilty...I've been lurking, since the day you started your blog, and several times now I've found myself thinking..."Alright, when did she grow up? and when, exactly, did she get so smart?" God is stretching you and I see wisdom blossoming in you - it's beautiful to see!
I just read an excerpt from the screwtape letters (cs lewis) that was inserted into 'Romancing Your Child' Heart'(a book about drawing your kids into relationship with the Almighty). In this excerpt, the underling demon is being taught that one of the enemy's greatest tricks is to keep us "looking forward to...whatever" and forever chasing the pot at the end of the rainbow. If we are forever "chasing," then we are distracted from either contemplating the Creator and eternity, or interacting with Him right now, in whatever manner we need to, be it finding the grace to accept today's circumstances, the strength and desire to push deeper into relationship with Him TODAY, etc. I'm butchering the whole concept pretty good, but basically the challenge to me was the same...live TODAY, and look to today to see what God's plans are for me, now. And embrace that!
I love you, Midget...
aaarrrggghhhh...note to self: always preview --> butchering the concept pretty good?????!!!??? forgive my grammar...
Oh yeah, I struggle with this a lot. I'm getting better though. Living in the moment is hard for me. I love planning and I'm always looking ahead and planning out my day, my week, my month, my life. I can get so caught up that that I don't live in the moment. But it's something that God's really been working on me about in the past year.
Good thoughts today, Kjirstin. The Lord has brought me to this place with my children...to enjoy today, not wasting it away hoping for "what might be" tomorrow.
Unfortunately this time, "today" has been pretty bad, so I am hoping for a new one tomorrow!!
Lissa
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