Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Living in the Land of the Unfinished

So...I'm just going to re-enter the blog world and pretend that it hasn't been 8 months since I last posted.  I've been putting it off, feeling as though I "can't" post and not do an entire catch-up post.  But, since that may (ahem - will) likely never happen, and because I don't want to be done blogging entirely, I've decided to just write a new post. 

More and more these days (months and years even) I feel like I just live in a land of unfinished.  Unfinished conversations, unfinished laundry, unfinished meals (my own AND my children's!), unfinished sleep, unfinished decorations, unfinished goals, dates, letters, blog posts (cough cough - Taylor's birth story?  What was that?  Oops!), and the list goes on and on. 

Some days I find myself so easily discouraged about these unfinished items.  Scratch that, most days.  In that discouragement, I find myself easily frustrated at the two little bodies who are a prime reason that these items are all incomplete.  Then I fall into a pit of self-condemnation over the moments with my babies that I likely missed throughout my day under the intention of completing these oh-so unimportant tasks!  It's a vicious cycle, because I also struggle with feeling condemned over my unorganized home, my ever-growing pile of laundry, the lack of organization in my basement, and my seeming inability to ever have a clean bedroom! 

And then, one day several months ago, my sweet Jesus brought something to my mind as I struggled.  This verse, the verse that was my first to ever memorize "And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion in the day of Jesus Christ".  (Phil. 1:6)  How incredibly encouraging!  What relief I have felt!  Because you know what?  I AM unfinished.  He is doing work in me, and it's not finished yet!!  Then, the other day, just as I was pondering writing this post, I realized something else.  There is only ONE things that matters, and that thing?  "It IS finished!!" (John 19:30)  The thing that matters the most is already complete, and by His grace and incredible love, I get to be in on the greatest gift ever given. 

So as I walk through my days, I'm trying harder to do what I can in the time I have, to love my children more in the many sweet moments I have with them (and to see these sweet moments!), and to soak in the fact that He is working on me, and one day I will be finished. 

Friday, February 24, 2012

A year?!

Oh my sweet girl, how has it already been a year since you came into my arms?!  It is such a joy to be your momma.  You keep me on my toes for sure! 

I love seeing how your little personality is developing more and more these days.  We're all pretty sure you're going to be a spunky one!  Some days I wonder if I'm up to the challenge of raising you and being everything in a mommy that you need me to be, but then I'm reminded that I'm definitely not everything you need, but that I can point you to the One who is our everything.  Thank goodness for that, I'm not sure how I would bear the weight of being everything you need if that was my job! 

I pray for you little girl, that He will harness your spunk and point you in the right direction, and that you will allow Him to direct your path. 

I love the way you make us laugh with your silly little antics.  From your determined fast crawl to the stairs when you think I'm not looking to your clenched fists and growl at us when you don't agree with what we've done, you bring such joy to our days! 

I can't wait to see what this next year has in store for us.  Even though you make me crazy some days, keep being spunky and keep me on my knees!  We love you. 

Monday, January 30, 2012

My small identity crisis.

Wow.  It's been 7 months since I posted last.  How did that happen?  The same way my little girl is almost a year old I suppose!  Well, there will be a lot of catch up posts, but for now I'm just going to jump right into where we are now! 

This year I've spent a lot of time thinking about what's truly important to me.  I felt for a long time like I just wasn't doing anything well, and I wasn't really sure who I wanted to be or what I even wanted to be doing well!  I want to be the all organic momma that makes EVERYTHING from scratch.  I want to be the photographer/scrapbooking momma who has everything photographed, edited, printed and in albums 2 weeks after it happens.  I want to be the super playful momma, who still somehow has a clean house all the time, homemade dinners on the table at 5:00 when my wonderful hubby gets home.  I want to be super faithful in my quiet times.  I want to do it all, and do it all well.  But, I can't.  And I don't think that anyone would expect me to!  Then I realized that it doesn't really matter what I want to be, or what other people might expect or desire of me, but what God wants me to be! (I know, I know, really shouldn't have taken so long)! 

I'm still not entirely certain that God has a specific desire for me to be organic, or an avid scrapbooker, or anything else, but there are a few things that I do know.  My Jesus wants me to be faithful to love Him, to love my husband and children, to love His people, and to love the lost.  So that, that is my new goal.  I want to love hard, to love well, and to live in the day I'm in.  I'm really pretty sure that He doesn't want me to be living in anxiety over the things I didn't do yesterday, the house that wasn't clean then, or the pictures I haven't taken. 

So, as I try to determine who I want to be as I fulfill the roles I find myself in, I will do what I can in the hours I have been given, and I will strive to go to bed at peace with my days.  I will learn from my mistakes, have good days and bad days, and I will do it for my Jesus, not for anyone else.

~Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, and not for men."~