Monday, January 30, 2012

My small identity crisis.

Wow.  It's been 7 months since I posted last.  How did that happen?  The same way my little girl is almost a year old I suppose!  Well, there will be a lot of catch up posts, but for now I'm just going to jump right into where we are now! 

This year I've spent a lot of time thinking about what's truly important to me.  I felt for a long time like I just wasn't doing anything well, and I wasn't really sure who I wanted to be or what I even wanted to be doing well!  I want to be the all organic momma that makes EVERYTHING from scratch.  I want to be the photographer/scrapbooking momma who has everything photographed, edited, printed and in albums 2 weeks after it happens.  I want to be the super playful momma, who still somehow has a clean house all the time, homemade dinners on the table at 5:00 when my wonderful hubby gets home.  I want to be super faithful in my quiet times.  I want to do it all, and do it all well.  But, I can't.  And I don't think that anyone would expect me to!  Then I realized that it doesn't really matter what I want to be, or what other people might expect or desire of me, but what God wants me to be! (I know, I know, really shouldn't have taken so long)! 

I'm still not entirely certain that God has a specific desire for me to be organic, or an avid scrapbooker, or anything else, but there are a few things that I do know.  My Jesus wants me to be faithful to love Him, to love my husband and children, to love His people, and to love the lost.  So that, that is my new goal.  I want to love hard, to love well, and to live in the day I'm in.  I'm really pretty sure that He doesn't want me to be living in anxiety over the things I didn't do yesterday, the house that wasn't clean then, or the pictures I haven't taken. 

So, as I try to determine who I want to be as I fulfill the roles I find myself in, I will do what I can in the hours I have been given, and I will strive to go to bed at peace with my days.  I will learn from my mistakes, have good days and bad days, and I will do it for my Jesus, not for anyone else.

~Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, and not for men."~

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