A year?!

Oh my sweet girl, how has it already been a year since you came into my arms?!  It is such a joy to be your momma.  You keep me on my toes for sure! 

I love seeing how your little personality is developing more and more these days.  We're all pretty sure you're going to be a spunky one!  Some days I wonder if I'm up to the challenge of raising you and being everything in a mommy that you need me to be, but then I'm reminded that I'm definitely not everything you need, but that I can point you to the One who is our everything.  Thank goodness for that, I'm not sure how I would bear the weight of being everything you need if that was my job! 

I pray for you little girl, that He will harness your spunk and point you in the right direction, and that you will allow Him to direct your path. 

I love the way you make us laugh with your silly little antics.  From your determined fast crawl to the stairs when you think I'm not looking to your clenched fists and growl at us when you don't agree with what we've done, you bring such joy to our days! 

I can't wait to see what this next year has in store for us.  Even though you make me crazy some days, keep being spunky and keep me on my knees!  We love you. 

My small identity crisis.

Wow.  It's been 7 months since I posted last.  How did that happen?  The same way my little girl is almost a year old I suppose!  Well, there will be a lot of catch up posts, but for now I'm just going to jump right into where we are now! 

This year I've spent a lot of time thinking about what's truly important to me.  I felt for a long time like I just wasn't doing anything well, and I wasn't really sure who I wanted to be or what I even wanted to be doing well!  I want to be the all organic momma that makes EVERYTHING from scratch.  I want to be the photographer/scrapbooking momma who has everything photographed, edited, printed and in albums 2 weeks after it happens.  I want to be the super playful momma, who still somehow has a clean house all the time, homemade dinners on the table at 5:00 when my wonderful hubby gets home.  I want to be super faithful in my quiet times.  I want to do it all, and do it all well.  But, I can't.  And I don't think that anyone would expect me to!  Then I realized that it doesn't really matter what I want to be, or what other people might expect or desire of me, but what God wants me to be! (I know, I know, really shouldn't have taken so long)! 


I'm still not entirely certain that God has a specific desire for me to be organic, or an avid scrapbooker, or anything else, but there are a few things that I do know.  My Jesus wants me to be faithful to love Him, to love my husband and children, to love His people, and to love the lost.  So that, that is my new goal.  I want to love hard, to love well, and to live in the day I'm in.  I'm really pretty sure that He doesn't want me to be living in anxiety over the things I didn't do yesterday, the house that wasn't clean then, or the pictures I haven't taken. 

So, as I try to determine who I want to be as I fulfill the roles I find myself in, I will do what I can in the hours I have been given, and I will strive to go to bed at peace with my days.  I will learn from my mistakes, have good days and bad days, and I will do it for my Jesus, not for anyone else.

~Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, and not for men."~

Walking with you

A little over 5 years ago, I took one of the most important walks of my life.  On my Daddy's arm, in the dress my Momma made for me, I slowly walked down that beautiful church aisle to the love of my life.  I walked slowly, wanting to savor every second of that day; at the same time, it was everything I could do not to run into his arms!  Later, we walked around Baker park as our photographers did some shots of us. 

Since that day, we've walked a lot.  For 3 years in the city, we walked almost every evening, not always with a destination in mind (although we did frequent the local coffee and ice cream shops!).  We've walked through almost 30 homes for sale in the process of buying both of our homes.  We've paced the halls of the L&D unit in the hospital, eagerly awaiting the birth of our little ones.  We've paced the halls with those little ones at the wee hours of the night in those first early weeks. 

I can't wait to see what other walks we get to take, my dear.  Thank you for walking with me, leading me, yet always being right by my side.  I love you.

A big night for a big boy!

 Well, we did it.  This momma's heart was not anywhere near ready, and I thought my "baby" boy might be in a crib until he was three, but tonight we took the front off and put on his toddler rail.  He's been climbing EVERYTHING recently thanks to Fireman Sam introducing the concept of fire poles.  He climbs the banister, jumps off chairs and sofas, and even has recently been telling me he's going to climb the lamp.  Luckily he hasn't tried that one yet. 

This morning, I found him in his sister's crib after I finished blowdrying my hair, then he climbed out, and then back in.  So we decided, before he gets the idea to climb out of his own crib and breaks something in the process, we would just move him into the toddler bed!

Pretty excited about this change!!

Lookin' a little sleepy.

Hmm, maybe he will hurt himself on this one anyway!  It sure didn't take him long to decide he wants to "ride it like a horsey".  At least I'm pretty sure he won't break anything doing this. 

All tucked in and ready for some sleep! It's about an hour and a half later and we haven't heard a peep yet!  We did decide to move the monitor in there for tonight at least.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our boy is getting awfully big!  Next week = potty training.  This momma is far more intimidated by that idea!

Perhaps I just don't trust enough.

When it comes to my kiddos and their safety, I tend to fall into the slightly paranoid category of momma.  Okay, maybe more than just slightly.  My sister often teases me, saying it's really okay for them to have room to breathe while they are strapped into their carseats.  I was laughing earlier to myself as I thought about one of these conversations and I thought "It's because I know too much, I've seen too much".  Then I thought about it, and I am pretty sure it's just not true.  Because you see, my sister has seen plenty.  I know she could tell just as many stories of tragedies she's heard of or even in families she's known.

Maybe the issue lies in my own heart.  Perhaps I just don't trust enough.  Truly trust. If I did, I would be more at peace knowing that the lives of my family and my children in particular lie in the more than capable hands of my Jesus!  Worrying about what will happen if Taylor rolls on her side (instead of being on her back - gasp!) while she's sleeping, or what happens if my husband's plane crashes will not keep these events from happening if that is what is in His will.  I know that, I truly do.  But apparently I haven't set my heart enough on believing it, letting it sink into my heart and giving me peace.  Psalm 20:7 says "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God".  Jesus, help me to trust in You, not in the straps on my carseats and the fact that my baby girl sleeps on her back!

That being said, I will still sleep my babies on their backs, strap them tight in their carseats, and will probably keep them rear-facing longer than others might.  But, I hope to do so because I believe it's wise, not out of a fear of what will happen if I don't protect them enough.  Because I can't.  I can't protect them from what may hurt them.  Only Jesus can keep my babies breathing, and I believe that He will, until the day that it is time for them to go home with Him, and nothing I do or don't do will change that. 

Our growing girl

I'm taking a brief interruption from our delivery story to update you all on how that little girl is doing  :)  Never fear, I will finish it one day, I promise.  At this point, I think you're all more interested in what she's doing now than what happened 6 weeks ago anyways!  Can't say that I blame you.

6 weeks!!  Craziness.  I can't believe that she's already 6 weeks old.  On one side it feels like it couldn't possibly be that long ago, but it also feels like we've known her forever, and it's getting harder and harder to remember life without her here.  (Although sometimes in the crazy moments of adjusting to two, it feels awfully easy to remember life with one!) 

Well, here are her growth stats and some pictures along the way.

Day 1: 7 lbs. 3 ozs. 19 1/4 inches

Day 3: 6 lbs. 13 ozs.

1 week: 7 lbs. 6 ozs. 19 1/2 inches

3 weeks: 8 lbs. 11 ozs

 

Bath time is by far her favorite activity!

4 weeks

I love her sweet little folded hands in this one :)

5 weeks

 Far happier during tummy time than her brother ever was!

6 weeks: 10 lbs. 8 ozs., 22 inches long

She's doing so well, and has been such a wonderful addition to our family!  I love having pink all around our house now, having my own little "buddy" when Danny and Logan go to do fun things, and getting all those wonderful infant snuggles again.  She smiled at us for the first time this week.  Such a wonderful thing, especially for two very sleepy parents!  It's so nice to get some emotion other than screaming out of your newborn, and it's such a blessing for it to come around week 6, when this whole getting up at night thing is starting to get old.  She is SO much more awake and alert than Logan was, and so much stronger!  He was rather content to lie with his head on our shoulder until about 4 months old I think  :)  This little girl is far more interested in what is going on around her...which makes naps a little more interesting, but it's fun to see a little bit of her personality even now. 

And I'll share this last one with you....horrible picture, I know.  But just so you know her most frequent activity, and can know one of the most common parts of my life right now.  :)

A doctor's appointment, prenatal massage, and a...baby?! (Part 2)

Ahh, where was I?  Oh that's right...walking out of the spa feeling far more relaxed than I had in months!

I headed back to the doctor's office, preparing myself for no change and figuring I'd be headed home in a half hour or so.  Since I was running a little bit late, I decided I'd just stop for lunch on the way home (it was about 1 o'clock at this point).  This right here folks, this decision was the biggest mistake, and my only regret from that day!  Since my stomach was already growling, it wasn't a great start to what ended up being another 8 hours without food!

Anyways, I went in, sat in the waiting room for a few minutes, still feeling very calm and figuring nothing would have changed.  I mean, it would be too good to be true.  But, it also would be a whole lot earlier than we had planned, and I kind of hoped our girl would have a little more time to "cook" before she made her grand entrance!  I just wasn't "feeling" any different.  It really felt just like a normal appointment, another normal day, and I was ready to go home to see my little man.  So...when my doctor checked me again and then asked "So you ready to have this baby?" I was more than a little caught off guard!  She informed me that I had progressed to almost 6cm, and she had no intentions of sending me home to Frederick like this!  When she walked out, I texted Danny to start packing and I'd call in a minute.  I headed out to the car, still feeling like this was all just a little bit surreal!

I sat in my car and made several phone calls...Danny to talk through what needed to come from the house, my sister-in-law Julia to ask if she was available for Logan, and then had a nice chat with my sister Lissa just because!  I rummaged around my car to see what was there to eat and found a granola bar...not nearly enough calories for my grumbly tummy!!  But, it would have to do.

Then came one of the strangest moments of the day.  I had stalled as long as I could, and it was time to go in.  This was not what I had imagined, in any way, shape or form!  When I thought about the day our daughter would arrive, and all the different "going to the hospital" scenarios I could come up with, not one of them included walking into the hospital by myself, knowing that my husband was still an hour away!!

But I did.  I parked my car, walked into the ER, and then walked up through the hospital to L&D, checked myself in, and the adventure continues...

Wow...time for baby girl to eat again, and for this momma to head to bed!  More to come...again!  Sorry folks, you will hear the whole story one day I promise!