Being Still

My small identity crisis.

2012-01-30T23:33:00.000-05:00

Wow. It's been 7 months since I posted last. How did that happen? The same way my little girl is almost a year old I suppose! Well, there will be a lot of catch up posts, but for now I'm just going to jump right into where we are now!

This year I've spent a lot of time thinking about what's truly important to me. I felt for a long time like I just wasn't doing anything well, and I wasn't really sure who I wanted to be or what I even wanted to be doing well! I want to be the all organic momma that makes EVERYTHING from scratch. I want to be the photographer/scrapbooking momma who has everything photographed, edited, printed and in albums 2 weeks after it happens. I want to be the super playful momma, who still somehow has a clean house all the time, homemade dinners on the table at 5:00 when my wonderful hubby gets home. I want to be super faithful in my quiet times. I want to do it all, and do it all well. But, I can't. And I don't think that anyone would expect me to! Then I realized that it doesn't really matter what I want to be, or what other people might expect or desire of me, but what God wants me to be! (I know, I know, really shouldn't have taken so long)!

I'm still not entirely certain that God has a specific desire for me to be organic, or an avid scrapbooker, or anything else, but there are a few things that I do know. My Jesus wants me to be faithful to love Him, to love my husband and children, to love His people, and to love the lost. So that, that is my new goal. I want to love hard, to love well, and to live in the day I'm in. I'm really pretty sure that He doesn't want me to be living in anxiety over the things I didn't do yesterday, the house that wasn't clean then, or the pictures I haven't taken.

So, as I try to determine who I want to be as I fulfill the roles I find myself in, I will do what I can in the hours I have been given, and I will strive to go to bed at peace with my days. I will learn from my mistakes, have good days and bad days, and I will do it for my Jesus, not for anyone else.

~Colossians 3:23 "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, and not for men."~

Walking with you

2011-06-30T09:04:00.000-04:00

A little over 5 years ago, I took one of the most important walks of my life. On my Daddy's arm, in the dress my Momma made for me, I slowly walked down that beautiful church aisle to the love of my life. I walked slowly, wanting to savor every second of that day; at the same time, it was everything I could do not to run into his arms! Later, we walked around Baker park as our photographers did some shots of us.

Since that day, we've walked a lot. For 3 years in the city, we walked almost every evening, not always with a destination in mind (although we did frequent the local coffee and ice cream shops!). We've walked through almost 30 homes for sale in the process of buying both of our homes. We've paced the halls of the L&D unit in the hospital, eagerly awaiting the birth of our little ones. We've paced the halls with those little ones at the wee hours of the night in those first early weeks.

I can't wait to see what other walks we get to take, my dear. Thank you for walking with me, leading me, yet always being right by my side. I love you.

A big night for a big boy!

2011-06-01T21:49:00.000-04:00

Well, we did it. This momma's heart was not anywhere near ready, and I thought my "baby" boy might be in a crib until he was three, but tonight we took the front off and put on his toddler rail. He's been climbing EVERYTHING recently thanks to Fireman Sam introducing the concept of fire poles. He climbs the banister, jumps off chairs and sofas, and even has recently been telling me he's going to climb the lamp. Luckily he hasn't tried that one yet.

This morning, I found him in his sister's crib after I finished blowdrying my hair, then he climbed out, and then back in. So we decided, before he gets the idea to climb out of his own crib and breaks something in the process, we would just move him into the toddler bed!

Pretty excited about this change!!

Lookin' a little sleepy.

Hmm, maybe he will hurt himself on this one anyway! It sure didn't take him long to decide he wants to "ride it like a horsey". At least I'm pretty sure he won't break anything doing this.


All tucked in and ready for some sleep! It's about an hour and a half later and we haven't heard a peep yet! We did decide to move the monitor in there for tonight at least.

Our boy is getting awfully big! Next week = potty training. This momma is far more intimidated by that idea!

Perhaps I just don't trust enough.

2011-05-20T15:24:00.000-04:00

When it comes to my kiddos and their safety, I tend to fall into the slightly paranoid category of momma. Okay, maybe more than just slightly. My sister often teases me, saying it's really okay for them to have room to breathe while they are strapped into their carseats. I was laughing earlier to myself as I thought about one of these conversations and I thought "It's because I know too much, I've seen too much". Then I thought about it, and I am pretty sure it's just not true. Because you see, my sister has seen plenty. I know she could tell just as many stories of tragedies she's heard of or even in families she's known.

Maybe the issue lies in my own heart. Perhaps I just don't trust enough. Truly trust. If I did, I would be more at peace knowing that the lives of my family and my children in particular lie in the more than capable hands of my Jesus! Worrying about what will happen if Taylor rolls on her side (instead of being on her back - gasp!) while she's sleeping, or what happens if my husband's plane crashes will not keep these events from happening if that is what is in His will. I know that, I truly do. But apparently I haven't set my heart enough on believing it, letting it sink into my heart and giving me peace. Psalm 20:7 says "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God". Jesus, help me to trust in You, not in the straps on my carseats and the fact that my baby girl sleeps on her back!

That being said, I will still sleep my babies on their backs, strap them tight in their carseats, and will probably keep them rear-facing longer than others might. But, I hope to do so because I believe it's wise, not out of a fear of what will happen if I don't protect them enough. Because I can't. I can't protect them from what may hurt them. Only Jesus can keep my babies breathing, and I believe that He will, until the day that it is time for them to go home with Him, and nothing I do or don't do will change that.

Our growing girl

2011-04-07T15:19:00.000-04:00

I'm taking a brief interruption from our delivery story to update you all on how that little girl is doing :) Never fear, I will finish it one day, I promise. At this point, I think you're all more interested in what she's doing now than what happened 6 weeks ago anyways! Can't say that I blame you.

6 weeks!! Craziness. I can't believe that she's already 6 weeks old. On one side it feels like it couldn't possibly be that long ago, but it also feels like we've known her forever, and it's getting harder and harder to remember life without her here. (Although sometimes in the crazy moments of adjusting to two, it feels awfully easy to remember life with one!)

Well, here are her growth stats and some pictures along the way.

Day 1: 7 lbs. 3 ozs. 19 1/4 inches

Day 3: 6 lbs. 13 ozs.

1 week: 7 lbs. 6 ozs. 19 1/2 inches

3 weeks: 8 lbs. 11 ozs

Bath time is by far her favorite activity!

4 weeks

I love her sweet little folded hands in this one :)

5 weeks

Far happier during tummy time than her brother ever was!

6 weeks: 10 lbs. 8 ozs., 22 inches long

She's doing so well, and has been such a wonderful addition to our family! I love having pink all around our house now, having my own little "buddy" when Danny and Logan go to do fun things, and getting all those wonderful infant snuggles again. She smiled at us for the first time this week. Such a wonderful thing, especially for two very sleepy parents! It's so nice to get some emotion other than screaming out of your newborn, and it's such a blessing for it to come around week 6, when this whole getting up at night thing is starting to get old. She is SO much more awake and alert than Logan was, and so much stronger! He was rather content to lie with his head on our shoulder until about 4 months old I think :) This little girl is far more interested in what is going on around her...which makes naps a little more interesting, but it's fun to see a little bit of her personality even now.

And I'll share this last one with you....horrible picture, I know. But just so you know her most frequent activity, and can know one of the most common parts of my life right now. :)

A doctor's appointment, prenatal massage, and a...baby?! (Part 2)

2011-03-26T22:58:00.000-04:00

Ahh, where was I? Oh that's right...walking out of the spa feeling far more relaxed than I had in months!

I headed back to the doctor's office, preparing myself for no change and figuring I'd be headed home in a half hour or so. Since I was running a little bit late, I decided I'd just stop for lunch on the way home (it was about 1 o'clock at this point). This right here folks, this decision was the biggest mistake, and my only regret from that day! Since my stomach was already growling, it wasn't a great start to what ended up being another 8 hours without food!

Anyways, I went in, sat in the waiting room for a few minutes, still feeling very calm and figuring nothing would have changed. I mean, it would be too good to be true. But, it also would be a whole lot earlier than we had planned, and I kind of hoped our girl would have a little more time to "cook" before she made her grand entrance! I just wasn't "feeling" any different. It really felt just like a normal appointment, another normal day, and I was ready to go home to see my little man. So...when my doctor checked me again and then asked "So you ready to have this baby?" I was more than a little caught off guard! She informed me that I had progressed to almost 6cm, and she had no intentions of sending me home to Frederick like this! When she walked out, I texted Danny to start packing and I'd call in a minute. I headed out to the car, still feeling like this was all just a little bit surreal!

I sat in my car and made several phone calls...Danny to talk through what needed to come from the house, my sister-in-law Julia to ask if she was available for Logan, and then had a nice chat with my sister Lissa just because! I rummaged around my car to see what was there to eat and found a granola bar...not nearly enough calories for my grumbly tummy!! But, it would have to do.

Then came one of the strangest moments of the day. I had stalled as long as I could, and it was time to go in. This was not what I had imagined, in any way, shape or form! When I thought about the day our daughter would arrive, and all the different "going to the hospital" scenarios I could come up with, not one of them included walking into the hospital by myself, knowing that my husband was still an hour away!!

But I did. I parked my car, walked into the ER, and then walked up through the hospital to L&D, checked myself in, and the adventure continues...

Wow...time for baby girl to eat again, and for this momma to head to bed! More to come...again! Sorry folks, you will hear the whole story one day I promise!

Silly boy

2011-03-26T22:02:00.000-04:00

The silliness that transpired during our prayer before dinner tonight.
Danny: "Thank you Jesus"
Logan: "Kank oo Jeus"
Danny: "For dinner"
Logan: "Or dinner"
Danny: "And Mommy"
Logan: "Mommy"
Danny: "And Daddy"
Logan: "Daddy"
Danny: "And Taylor"
Logan: "Apple juice, Amen!"

Not sure where we've gone wrong...it was really seeming like he liked her!

A doctor's appointment, prenatal massage, and a...baby?! (Part 1)

2011-03-19T17:48:00.000-04:00

So, I never intended to wait this long to write this blog! From the moment our little girl entered this world, I've wanted to write down what happened that day before I forgot. No matter how much I try to cement these memories in my mind, I know that they will not stay as fresh as I wish they would, and in time, I will forget precious parts. Forgive me for the length of this, as it's partially for whoever cares to read, and also for us to remember how it all happened. Also, so you have fair warning, this is a birth story, and I won't be graphic at all, but it is a BIRTH story, and the nature of it makes it a little hard to share details without it being somewhat specific! There you go, there's your warning. ;)

It started out just like most other mornings these days. Not great sleep the night before, time in the middle of the night spent reading books and keeping up with facebook on my iTouch while still in bed, thinking about our girl and wondering when she'd be here. Hoping and praying for a healthy baby girl, and hoping she wouldn't be too big because of the gestational diabetes I had.
   Contractions started around 6am, also a normal part in my nighttime routine! Now I know that everybody talks about the 5-1-1 rule (contractions 5 minutes apart, lasting for a minute, for at least an hour) and how that means you should go to the hospital. But you see, with both of my babies, I started having contractions early, and towards the end, if I'm having any regularity to my contractions, they fall within this rule. If I went in every time they were like that, we'd have an awful lot of extra medical bills, and spend a whole lot of nights in L&D! So, I wasn't paying much extra attention to them, especially because I had a doctor's appointment that morning.
   Danny's mom was kind enough to drive all the way down here to watch Logan for me while I went to Towson that morning. Because you see, the plan was to head to the doctor at 10:20, and then head to the spa for a prenatal massage thanks to a gift card from my SIL, then head home in time to put Logan down for a nap! Needless to say, that's not exactly what happened.
   At the doctor, she checked and said that I was 4cm, and since that was progression from 2.5 the week before, she wanted me to stay in the area and come back after lunch. (My doctor is in Towson, 45 minutes away from home.) She said if I was still 4, even if I was still contracting, I could go home, and if I was more, I'd stay. When I left, I called Danny to warn him that he would have to head home for a bit so his Mom could leave for work since I'd be a little bit later, but that it shouldn't be for more than a half hour or so.
   Then I headed into the spa for my massage. Brief aside here...prenatal massages are incredible, and I think they should be covered by health insurance for every pregnant woman past about 20 weeks! Looking back, it was such a gift from the Lord meant to be for me on that specific day! I had tried several other times to use that gift card. There were three other times that I had an appointment scheduled that I had to cancel for various reasons. The hour I spent in that room was such a wonderful blessing. It was quiet, peaceful, and I HAD to relax. I have quiet in my life, but it's usually quiet at home, when it is still so easy to be distracted by the to-do list, facebook, or any other number of things. That hour, I spent time just praying for our girl, that she would be healthy and arrive just in His perfect timing. I prayed for her future, her character, and her safety getting here. I prayed for my heart and mind, that He would protect me from anxiety about delivery, impatience and frustration with the inconveniences of pregnancy, and worry about my little man and what this would change for our relationship. I prayed for my little boy, that he would do well with family while we were in the hospital and that he would adjust well to the new little girl in our life. I thanked Him for my wonderful husband and his love and care for me during these months! He so graciously serves me when I'm pregnant, everything from carrying laundry baskets to 2am juice/snack runs! I also found myself talking to our girl, telling her how much I loved her and couldn't wait to meet her, telling her to come just when she was ready, telling her all about her room and family waiting for her. It was bliss. So wonderful.

More to come soon...

Happles and babies

2011-02-17T16:31:00.000-05:00

At least once a day right now, we've been trying to have some short conversation with Logan about his little sister's impending arrival, reminding him that I'll be going to the hospital when she comes out, and he'll get to come see us and then we'll bring her home. Usually these conversations are sparked by some mention of the baby equipment around the house. The other time it comes up is before naptime or bedtime when he's sitting on my lap snuggling and she starts pushing him around!

I wasn't surprised a few days ago when he asked to bring her ultrasound picture from the fridge upstairs with him, and we started chatting about it. While we were chatting, he started telling me about the "happles", and "baby out", and "hug kiss". The latter two phrases I got, but I was awfully confused about the "happles"! I couldn't figure out what apples had to do with her, or how he had made this connection. When I asked him if he was saying apples, he just kept saying "No mommy, happles". Okay...still not getting it. Finally he said "grandma happles", and I realized that he was saying hospital!! I said "Oh!! You mean hospital?" He grinned at me and said "Yes Mommy" as if that really is exactly how it sounded coming out of his mouth and I really was the less intelligent one here.

Then as I put him in his crib with his baby sister's picture and frame, he insisted that "baby sit nap". Thinking he meant for me to sit on his little couch while he napped, I said no, and he thrust the frame through the crib slats, and repeated it. Ahh, I get it.

So, all in all...my little boy's current thoughts about his baby Taylor consist of "Mommy happles, baby out, hug kiss" (Mommy goes to the hospital for baby to come out, I come and hug and kiss her), and "Baby sit nap" and his little picture frame is still sitting on his couch, watching over him while he naps :)

Silly boy.

These days

2011-01-31T21:19:00.000-05:00

A little over two years ago my life changed drastically, beyond what I ever could have imagined, the day my little man was born. For the last two years, we've spent all our days together, with him as my constant companion, no matter where I am (bathroom included!).

These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about just how much our lives are about to change again when Taylor is born. There's a lot to be done before she gets here, and it's easy to get lost in the busyness of preparations for her. But when I sit and really think about it, my heart feels really torn! I am so incredibly excited to meet our little girl, to do the "baby thing" again, and for Logan to have a little sister. However, I also know that the special time I've had with my boy is coming to an end. No longer will he have my full attention as much as he does now.

This is probably going to sound crazy, and I know I'm a little overly sentimental at times, but sometimes it almost feels like I'm cheating on him! It's just been us for so long now, and it feels weird to think about another one. I love her so much already, but at the same time, I can't imagine loving another one as much as I love him! He's my little boy, my baby! Like I said, I know this sounds completely crazy, but it is what goes on in my head.

So, I'll spend the next several weeks rocking him just a little longer, playing just a little more, seeing how many giggles I can get out of him, because I know our time as just us is short. If our entire house isn't as clean as it was when Logan was born, or if we're not 1000% prepared for her, it's okay. I'd rather cherish the time I have before Taylor's arrival rocks his little world.

Searching for...simplicity?

2011-01-05T17:33:00.000-05:00

So, I'm not exactly sure what it is I'm searching for this year, but consistency might be a better word. I'm craving a little more routine in our lives. Well, in my life. There are several areas where I'm hoping this will play out!

My first and highest priority is consistency in my time spent with my Jesus. This has always been an area where I struggle, even though I know the importance of it and see the results of it in my life! This year I am again planning to read through the Bible in a year, and have been going for 4 days strong so far by His grace. I'm already noticing a change in my heart and attitude today, and finding the Lord reminding me of His grace when I am feeling impatient or short with Logan.

Secondly, I'm looking forward to finding (or re-finding I guess?) consistency in how and when I care for our home. Since we've moved to Frederick, our life has slowed down significantly, which I am so grateful for! But somehow I still struggle to find/make time to clean our house. Entering the first trimester of pregnancy very soon after moving made it a little difficult to ever really settle into a routine here. Then I was sick for a large portion of my second trimester as well (non pregnancy related). However, as I've entered the third trimester, I'm feeling more energetic and also beginning to nest a little as well I think! I spent a while today recreating a weekly cleaning/chore routine and am looking forward to putting it into motion! I'll work on the monthly and quarterly type things once I get into the swing of things with this schedule. The time for monthly and quarterly type projects is going to be taken up right now with getting things ready for Taylor anyway.

I'm trying to be sure that I don't overwhelm myself with plans that I can't achieve. I'm starting pretty slow for sure! One of the sites I looked at for some information was flylady.net. While there is a lot of helpful information, I know that at least in this season of my life, getting the sink clean once or twice a day is challenging enough, much less drying/shining my sink each time I put anything in it! I just know I won't do it. She (and many others) also suggest getting up and getting ready all the way (shoes, hair done, makeup, etc.) right away. Right now, getting some extra sleep is far more necessary for me! Pregnancy and sleep don't really coincide for me, and the extra hour or so I would need in the morning to do these things and have a quiet time before Logan's up is just really more needed to be spent in bed! Later this year, when she's here and we've found a little more of a sleep routine, I do look forward to returning to this habit.

It's been nice to live more simply with our schedule the last several months, but instead of just ending up bored and feeling slightly purpose-less, I'm looking forward to really staying on top of our home, having less evenings where we go out simply because I didn't have what I needed for dinner, or didn't think about it. I'm hoping to spend more time keeping a clean house instead of simply cleaning my house and always feeling behind.

What about you? Do you have any cleaning/chore routine that you do that helps you stay on top of things?

2 years already?!

2010-12-21T14:40:00.000-05:00

**Sidenote...this was supposed to be completed last week, on the 10th, when my boy turned two. But, life caught up with me. I'm determined to make it happen though!

Two? Already? No way! You can't be two yet. But the little shirt I put on you this morning says you are, and you look so handsome in it. You've grown up on me so much these last few months little boy. Maybe it's knowing that our time together with just you is shorter with each passing day now. Maybe it's looking through the tiny things you used and wore, realizing just how much bigger you've gotten since you sat in that bouncer, and I washed you for the first time in that little bathtub, and dried you with that towel for the first time.

I can't count the number of times I've been told to "cherish every second, they go too fast, he'll be big before you know it". The crazy thing? I HAVE. Almost every day, at some point, I think about the fact that you might never make that funny face again, or maybe next time you say movie it won't just sound like "eee-ee". I've tried to cherish everything, maybe not encouraging you to get big as much as I should, because sometimes I don't really want you to get big yet. Even with this knowledge, you grow too fast. It seems like just yesterday that I was examining your tiny hands and feet, studying your sweet tiny face, soaking in every inch of that tiny baby that was finally here. Now I watch you as you run and jump, slowly learn to talk, learn all your animal noises and all the other funny things you do, and I don't really want to blink because I know that then all these things you're doing now will be just as distant as all your newborn moments are to me now. But as much as I want to keep you little, I want you to grow more. I want to teach you and guide you, and watch you grow into the boy and then the man that God wants you to be. But for now, I'll just let you be little, and be happy to do so.

I love the time we've had together my little man. I love that I've gotten to soak in so much of your babyhood while it's just us. It won't be this way for long, but I love it. And I love you, my big two year old.

Yummy yummy pot roast!

2010-11-23T10:50:00.000-05:00

I did it! I finally made a pot roast that wasn't dry and chewy with mushy veggies. Several people on facebook asked what I had done, so I decided to just put it here.

Chuck roast (mine was about 4-5 pounds) ~ From what I have read, it is important to use the right cut of meat, and the chuck roast has definitely been the best I've tried. It is a more fatty cut, and requires a little more picking through when you're eating it, but has the most tender meat.
Carrots
Olive oil
Salt
Pepper
Onion soup mix
Flour
Baked potatoes

   Salt and pepper the meat while heating a few tablespoons of olive oil in a skillet or pot. (I prefer a high sided pot, the sides provide a little more protection against spattering oil).
   Sear meat on all sides until brown.
   Peel and cut carrots into large chunks, add to bottom of crock pot. If they're cut too small, they won't be able to stand up to the long cooking time. I did mine in half and the top portion in quarters.
   Place roast in crock pot on top of carrots.
   Mix one envelope onion soup mix into 3 cups of water, pour on top of roast.
   Cook on low for 12-16 hours. I put mine in on Saturday night around 9, and we ate it around 1:30 on Sunday...so it was in there for 16 hours. I really think this time difference is what resulted in such tender meat.
   Right at the end, I removed a cup or so of the broth, and whisked in a few tablespoons of flour to thicken up the sauce a bit.
Bake potatoes at 350 for 3 hours, mash with some butter, serve roast and veggies on top!

Next time, I may try doing fresh onions, with some beef broth and fresher spices instead of the envelope, but this was nice and quick, and I already had the ingredients.

Although it's a bit strange to wake up in the middle of the night smelling pot roast, it's worth it to me to have such yummy meat, instead of the tough chewy stuff that usually gets stuck in my teeth!

This will definitely be a regular around here this winter. Enjoy!! Let me know if you try it or if you have a similar recipe what you do!

Baby Girl!!

2010-10-29T15:06:00.000-04:00

Well, we've got big news around here! We found out on Monday that we are having a baby girl!!! We are very thrilled and feel incredibly blessed. She looks wonderfully healthy, and seems to be growing just fine. She wasn't the most cooperative, and I spent about half of the ultrasound tipped upside down so they could get the measurements they needed, but I was happy to do it! She's already got her legs crossed, just like her big brother did :) Here are a few pictures of our sweetie!

She's waving at us in this shot, and giving us a thumbs up in the next one!

We're very excited, and can't wait to have pink things around this house :)

One Heartbeat at a Time

2010-10-18T16:41:00.000-04:00

One Facebook status from a coworker, a blog about a baby who spent time in the NICU, especially when combined with a rough day with my toddler, that's all it takes. All it takes to wrench my perspective from where it should be, to make me believe the lies that Satan deceptively whispers in the back of my mind. You see, every now and then I let my mind wander from the Truth that I know, and I rely instead on the feelings and emotions of my heart.

5 months ago now, I resigned from my dream job as a NICU nurse. While I always hated leaving my family, I loved my job. I loved that every time I went to work I KNEW that what I was doing mattered. I took pride in knowing that my attitude and how well I did my job could change the life and memories of a family with their precious fragile little ones that I had the privilege of caring for. I loved telling people what I did, and how much I loved it.

What about now? Now I am home full-time with our boy, caring for our home and my family, my true dream job. I love it, don't get me wrong. I LOVE IT! I was relieved to quit my job, knowing the stress it was putting on us, and it was not a difficult decision. Still, sometimes at the end of the day when the house looks worse than it did in the morning, there's no dinner made when Danny gets home, and the laundry seems to have exponentially increased, I wonder...does this really matter? When I used to leave work, I used to breathe a sigh of relief, refreshed knowing that I had done a great job for the 12.5 hours I was there. Not in a prideful way, but I did everything I could to be the best nurse I could while I was there. Now sometimes I wish I could go back, just to do something that matters. Wow, that's even uglier than I thought when I type it out!

The Lord is so kind to use different things to refresh my heart. For me, it's usually a song, and it is no different in this case! This song by Steven Curtis Chapman played the other day, and I have since bought it on iTunes and played it about 50 times today! I wish I could imprint this song on the hearts of my sisters, my friends and all new mommas for sure!

One Heartbeat at a Time ~ Steven Curtis Chapman

You're up all night with a screaming baby
You run all day at the speed of life
And every day you feel a little bit less
Like the beautiful woman you are

So you fall into bed when you run out of hours
And you wonder if anything worth doing got done
Oh, maybe you just don't know
Or maybe you've forgotten

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

With every "I know you can do it"
Every tear that you kiss away
So many little things that seem to go unnoticed
They're just like the drops of rain over time
They become a river

And you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
How you're changing the world
You're changing the world

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
Oh, I believe that you
You are changing the world
One little heartbeat
At a time

This looks different for all of us, but it is true nonetheless. I'm not up all night with a screaming baby right now, I have been before though! Right now, if I'm up, it's with a very silent little baby inside who just doesn't seem to let me sleep. My "running all day at the speed of life" usually means things like playing silly toddler games all day and still trying to accomplish something, even though he demands I sit by him most of the time. (And yes, I know, I don't have to, and much of the time I don't). ;) I very rarely feel like a beautiful woman, with my growing belly and usually snot covered shoulders.

But still, right now, there are two little heartbeats and one big man's heartbeat that I'm caring for. My energy is used up between the three of them :) But I wouldn't have it any other way. I love knowing that today when he got his shoes one (for the 3rd time), I was the one who tied them and got in a tickle fight in the process. When he just needed to rock for a minute before his nap, it was just another minute with his momma that his little heart felt he needed, and I was here to give it to him. THAT matters. To him, to me, and to my Jesus. I'm grateful that my Lord cares enough to show me in ways like this that what I'm doing matters. May He show you the same thing as you go about your days!

Chocolate class

2010-10-14T14:58:00.000-04:00

Last weekend my hubby took me on a fabulous date! We went to a cooking class based around chocolate, can't be bad right?! He picked chocolate because he knows that this pregnant girl doesn't do well with all kinds of food, little of which is predictable from day to day. :)

It was such a fun experience! It kinda seemed silly to go out for a date night and cook our own dinner, but we both really do enjoy cooking. Especially if I could have an assistant like our instructor who got all the ingredients out for us and cleaned up too! Then I could definitely cook some fancy meals. Sadly, I forgot to take the camera, but we never would've been able to take pictures anyway, we had food everywhere! There were four couples there and one instructor, and we each made a different dish for the meal.

We did find out that it was a dinner and dessert night, and made chicken mole on top of green chili bomba rice. I'm not going to lie, this was one of the strangest recipes I've ever seen! Anything that includes chicken, 3 types of chilis, raisins, peanut butter, chocolate and tomatoes just seems like it shouldn't go together! While I don't think I'd make it again, I was amazed how it turned out. I was trying to figure out how I would taste it without hurling, and I was able to eat almost all of it, without even gagging once.

There were two recipes that I absolutely LOVED and will definitely be making again. The first was a strawberry salad with a chocolate balsamic dressing. Sounds strange, tastes scrumptious! This picture is from another website but gives you the idea of what it looks like. (Sorry for the weird formatting with the following recipes, I've fooled with it for a while and need to get something else done other than this blog during naptime!!)

Strawberry Salad with Chocolate Balsamic Dressing

spinach or arugula leaves , or mixed baby greens
cucumber sliced
strawberries 
feta cheese
walnut or pecan halves (We didn't use these, but I think it would've added a lot to the salad, maybe some lightly candied pecans?)
1/3 cup balsamic vinegar
1/3 cup sugar 
1/4 cup (25g or two squares) dark chocolate, 75% pure

Divide the greens between the plates. Slice the cucumber length-ways, seed,
and slice it into half-moons. Arrange the cucumber, sliced strawberries, and feta
cheese over the greens. Drizzle dressing on top.

To make the dressing: place balsamic vinegar in a small saucepan, add the
sugar, and dissolve it over a gentle heat. Remove pan from heat and stir in
chocolate. Leave to cool at room temperature. Do not refrigerate or dressing will
solidify.

All I can say is Yum Yum Yum! Danny even liked it, which is saying a lot for a salad.

The second recipe I really enjoyed was the dessert chocolate ravioli. It was a very quick and simple, but fancy looking dessert.

Chocolate Ravioli with Raspberry Sauce

16 wonton wrappers
1 egg, beaten to blend
1 cup chocolate-hazelnut spread (recommended: Nutella)
Vegetable oil, for frying
Nonstick vegetable oil spray
Granulated sugar, for dredging
Powdered sugar, for dusting

Raspberry Sauce, recipe follows

Line a baking sheet with plastic wrap. Place 1 wonton wrapper on the work
surface. Brush the edges of the wrapper lightly with egg. Spoon 1 tablespoon
of chocolate-hazelnut spread into the center of the wrapper. Fold the wrapper
diagonally in half over the filling and press the edges of the wrapper to seal.
Place the ravioli on the prepared baking sheet. Repeat with the remaining
wonton wrappers, egg, and chocolate-hazelnut spread.

Preheat the oven to 200 degrees F. Add enough oil to a heavy large frying pan to
reach a depth of 2 inches. Heat the oil over medium heat to 350 degrees F.

Working in batches, carefully add the ravioli to the hot oil and cook until they
are golden brown, about 45 seconds per side. Using a slotted spoon, transfer
the ravioli to a plate lined with paper towels to drain. Then, transfer the cooked
ravioli to another baking sheet and keep them warm in the oven while frying the
remaining ravioli. (The fried ravioli can be prepared 1 day ahead. Cool them
completely, then cover and refrigerate. Before serving, place them on a baking
sheet and rewarm in a preheated 375 degrees F oven just until they are heated
through, about 7 minutes.)

Arrange 2 fried ravioli on each plate. Put small amount of raspberry sauce on the
plate. Dust the ravioli with powdered sugar.

Raspberry Sauce

(18-oz) package frozen raspberries in syrup
¾ cup sugar
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice, or to taste

Combine sugar, berries, lemon juice and 1/2 cup water in a saucepan; bring to
a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to medium low; cook until sugar is
dissolved, about 8 minutes. Use a pastry brush dipped in water to brush down
any sugar crystals on the side of the pan. Remove from heat; cool completely.
Place mixture in the jar of a blender; puree until smooth. Pass through a fine-
mesh colander, and discard solids.

Again, these were so yummy!! She already had the raspberry sauce made up, so we didn't make that, but it doesn't look too difficult.

I am looking forward to incorporating these into some meals in the near future!

6 years!!

2010-10-08T15:36:00.000-04:00

   6 years ago (tomorrow), you were the guy who made my day when you nervously leaned over at lunch and asked what I was doing afterwards, if maybe we could take a walk? As if there was anything that would've stopped that! I couldn't really give you a true answer, since that would've been something like "finding out what you're doing so I can figure out how to follow you there!" So we took our walk, and three hours later walked back around the lake to the rest of our friends as the new "CRU couple".

   We took this picture not long after that! Wow babe, did we look young!! I was a lot skinnier, you had a little more hair. ;) But you know what? We have so much more! Yeah, I'm a little (okay, a lot) chubbier, but you know what? We are so blessed to have one beautiful little boy and another one we get to meet soon! You might have a little less hair, but it's probably because that same little boy has pulled an awful lot of it out. ;)

   Most of the time, it's really hard for me to believe that it's only been 6 years! You are such an important part of my life that it seems like it can't possibly only be 6 years, it must be a lifetime. Seeing where these past 6 years have brought us, I can't wait to see where the rest of our lives will take us. Even the last year has certainly not been what either of us would've expected!

   I love you babe, I love our life together, I love our kids, and I am so grateful to our wonderful Jesus who has brought us to where we are, and will continue to lead us on. Thank you for following after Him as you lead our family, and encouraging me to follow hard after Him as well. I love you.

Where I am

2010-07-01T16:04:00.001-04:00

With my hands gripped in my hair and tears streaming down my face, I wonder..."does anyone else ever feel like this?" Do other first time moms who thought they knew what they were doing feel these same things, wonder these same thoughts? Does everyone feel like a total failure multiple times a week?

You see, by 10:30 in the morning, about 20 reprimands and subsequent temper tantrums under my belt, I have yet to change out of my pajamas or eat breakfast, let alone spend any time in the Word, and I can't wait until naptime. Several questions run through my mind. I wonder where I've gone wrong. Do I discipline too little, too much? Am I demanding too much of him, and that's why we butt heads so much? Or am I not disciplining enough and he's learning that he doesn't have to respect or obey me?

True confessions: Some days, I feel like Logan and I are just passing the time until Danny gets home from work. Sometimes, I get frustrated when he wakes up after only an hour or two long nap, instead of the usual 2.5 or 3. On these days, I hate the way I feel. I wonder what happened to the woman who couldn't wait to be a SAHM, couldn't wait to blow bubbles and draw with chalk all morning, and get to be outside instead of inside a hospital, or inside sleeping to go to work that night. I never (and I mean NEVER!) thought I would have a single day where I felt like this.

Luckily, those aren't all my days. In the past several months, unfortunately, it has felt like those occur more often than not, and I'm hoping that the balance swings back a little bit. I'm hoping that now that we're slowly settling (not settled!) into a new routine, one that involves a lot more family time, a quieter life, and a fun backyard, that I'll see the smiling face of my boy more often than the scowling and squealing that have become so familiar these past few months. I'd like my happy, easy baby boy back.

One thing I know is that his perception of my mood, of my stability, and my joy and grace for our day has a HUGE effect on it. The days where I'm up before him, one cup of coffee and a quiet time deep before his eyes open for the day, these are the days we enjoy. On those days, we wander around the backyard hand in hand, picking berries, hunting for cows (next-door neighbors), eat a picnic lunch on the porch and enjoy ourselves. Yet somehow, it seems so much easier to close my eyes for just 10 more minutes, and 10 more, and 10 more...but truly, it is not easier at all.

Plus, whoever said that my life was about ease, or sleep, or my comfort anyways? Maybe one of these days I'll figure that out.

Some big changes around here!

2010-05-14T22:38:00.000-04:00

WHEW!! It has been a whirlwind of a month in this Cole house.

6 weeks ago, after a very quick application and interview process, Danny was offered a job in Frederick, which he quickly took and started 2 weeks later! He just finished his 4th week of an hour plus commute each way every day, which has definitely not been an easy transition, for any of the 3 of us. Logan has probably had the hardest time with it, as our dinner time and overall time with Danny has drastically reduced. But...not for long! Once we are relocated and settled out in Frederick, Danny will be about 15 minutes from work, and will probably leave around 7:15 in the morning, to return to us by about 4:15! We are VERY excited about that idea, to say the least. :)

We put an offer on a house yesterday, and we're hoping to hear back sometime tomorrow about it. I'm praying for peace about the whole thing, and still feeling some nervousness about it! To say that I absolutely LOVE this house is not quite strong enough terminology. It's a very cute farmhouse on a 1.2 acre lot, with a huge flat green backyard, cows next door, nobody across the street, with lots of pretty flowers and tons of room for my little man to run!! Oh, and did I mention that it has a driveway? I know, I know, most single family homes do. It's just one of the things that I don't think we'll ever take for granted again. It would definitely be quite the change from our city rowhome, but it's one we are very ready to make!

This weekend we have 8 showings lined up for rentals for our current home, after a little over 24 hours on craigslist. Would you pray with me that we find a renter quickly and don't have weeks on end of showings? And would you pray that if this house is meant to be, it would go through quickly and painlessly, and that if it doesn't work out that I would be able to trust in God's plan, not be frustrated or too heartbroken?

So, around here, we'll keep cleaning, packing, repacking what Logan unpacks, and re-cleaning what Logan messes up :) That is pretty much what my days look like right about now. This transition is tiring, for sure, but it's good. It has so clearly been from the hand of God, and has so many of the things we've longed for, we can almost taste it! Now we just have to get there :) Any tips for assisting toddlers with transitions, new seasons, not seeing their daddy's as much as they are used to?

It's a wild ride, but oh so fun!

Cousin week!

2010-04-20T02:59:00.000-04:00

Last week I got the joy of spending a week with my mom, sister, sister-in-law, and the 4 kiddos that come along with all of us. It was a blast!! Warning ~ There are lots of pictures ahead, and I'm sure a whole lot of sentence fragments.

The wonderful joys that I experienced this week:

The sweet smiles of my little boy, although they were few and far between! Between 2 days of childcare with strangers, 7 days away from Daddy, lots of car time, and teeth coming through, Logan was not our usual always happy boy! But these smiles always bring joy to my heart :)

Getting to be there for my nephew's 8th birthday!!

Getting to spend lots of time with this happy baby boy :) This was the most time I've gotten to spend with my sister-in-law and my nephew Braden, and it was fabulous! It was fun to hear his squeals and coos, a phase I definitely miss!

Playing "HORSE" with Jacob, and losing, pitifully. :)

Watching my little man prove that he IS strong enough to climb up the slide, much to his Mommy's dismay!

This little boy sure does love to be outside.

Watching Mattie read to Logan, and remembering when she was his size. Which means in no time at all he'll be as big as she is now! Crazy.

3 cousins out for a walk :) These pictures and walks don't happen nearly often enough, and I treasure them when we get them!

Watching the frog on this little hiney wiggle back and forth as Logan tried to run to catch up to the bigger cousins. So stinkin' cute.

Sitting by the lake, laughing as we watched Mattie get nice and wet, then lay in the dirt and do "sand angels" on her belly. Her mommy so accurately describes her as a little girl who wants to wear princess dresses and dig for worms!

Getting to be a part of Braden's first outside water experience.

Finding out that even after a few months of no water, my boy is still a little fish, and loves being in the water. Doesn't love landing face first in it quite so much, but as long as he's rescued he doesn't care too much!

This last picture was definitely an entertaining moment, although not one of the most joyful at the time!

As I mentioned earlier, Logan was not on his best behavior this week, and this picture was taken during his lowest moment I think! He was insisting on being on my lap, regardless of the fact that I was getting my hair cut. You can tell from the fairly crabby look on his face just how happy he was about life right then. This was soon followed by a forced exit from my lap so Lissa could cut my bangs, which kicked off a solid five minutes of screaming bloody murder while both my Mom and Cherilyn (my SIL) tried to do everything they could think of to entertain him!

Another side note from this picture...so that wonderful lady behind me cutting my hair is my sister Melissa. In my entire life, I've had my hair cut in a salon 6 whole times. 6! That's because my sister is absolutely wonderful and cuts my hair every time I see her. Sometimes it's just a quick trim, other times it's more involved because it's been months since I've seen her, and sometimes it's three days in a row of changing this or that to make it just right. She's awesome. I don't trust anyone else with my head!! She does such a great job, and is always so willing to take time out of her vacation days to serve me like this!

It was a great week :) I loved watching Logan play with Braden, trying so hard to share, even to the point of giving him a toy, just for it to be too much, and to take it back. I loved watching Mattie read to him, and Jacob play with him on the swings. I loved watching him run after them and do things just like Jacob, because you know, the bigger boy always does things cooler.

I loved having hours to sit and chat with my mom, my sister and my sister in law. I loved getting to be a part of my sister's special needs festival at her church, and chatting about different phases of parenting and life. I just loved it, every moment of it. Well, actually, not quite. I didn't love the multiple nights of little sleep thanks to a little toddler in bed with me, although it was more snuggles than I'd normally get! But I didn't always love those moments. But it was a fabulous week. Fabulous, I say.

Feeding the baby

2010-03-16T10:29:00.000-04:00

Haha...here's a funny email I got this morning, and thought you all might enjoy! It made me laugh...a lot.

My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he
turns to me for advice. Recently, I was in the shower when
he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily for
lunch?"

"That's up to you," I replied. "There's all kinds of food.
Why don't you pretend I'm not at home?"

A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to
hear my husband asking, "Yeah, hi, Honey. Uh...what should I
feed Lily for lunch?"

Peanut butter ice cream and a novel...that's all I want!

2010-03-11T20:40:00.000-05:00

All I wanted was to close the curtains, turn off the music and phone, curl up on the couch with a container of Peanut Butter cup ice cream, and a sappy novel. I wanted to immerse myself in a story other than my own. I wanted out of my world, because I just didn't like it! I didn't much care that there were dishes spreading at least half the length of my countertop, or laundry covering most of my bedroom floor.

Wow. Typed out, that looks even uglier than it sounded in my head.

So, that's what I wanted. But, because I've given up sweets and fiction reading for Lent, this particular escape route wasn't an option, although it was certainly tempting! For a little while, I just sat on the couch and cried, staring at my four walls and wanting to be out while at the same time, knowing I couldn't muster up the energy it would take to actually leave the house and go do something.

Why the sadness and tears? Because two weeks ago, we found out that it was very likely that I was having a miscarriage. Why only very likely instead of certain, you ask? Because we didn't know I was pregnant. For a little bit of privacy and for the sake of any male readers, I'll spare you all the specific details that led us to this conclusion!!

The first day was after a night shift, so I wandered around in my typical tired fog, plus a little more than normal as I wondered what was happening. The second day I just kept feeling like the hardest thing was that I just don't know what happened. I felt stupid and silly grieving over something that could have simply been an irregular cycle! At the wisdom of my lovely sister, I prayed that the Lord would just make it clear to me whether or not it was anything, hoping that, as she suggested, perhaps I would just remember that we were apart or sleeping in somebody else's house or something when anything could have happened! Well, I feel, without a doubt, that our kind Lord made it clear to me. Not in the way I would have wished, but clear nonetheless, which is what I asked for. That afternoon, the Lord brought to mind several things from the last two weeks that made it entirely possible. Symptoms that I had when I was pregnant with Logan and at no other time in my life, but tiny things that I might not otherwise notice. Like my husband mentioning as we lied down one night that I was just almost hot to the touch, and did I feel sick? (Exactly what happened with Logan) I didn't really think anything of it then, and didn't even remember it until that day.

By that evening, I felt a whole lot of different things! A large part of me felt increasingly sad and feeling like we missed out. Sad for the little life that was already gone, before we knew it was even there. Sad to not have the opportunity to tell Danny about a baby on the way, or tell family, or see a sonogram and hear a heartbeat. But while that feeling was there and very strong for several days, I felt something else growing increasingly strong. I felt peace.

Now you may think I'm crazy. That's okay with me. Maybe I am. Maybe I made up all of these things in my head. But I'm choosing to believe that my Jesus was kind enough to answer me, to bring clarity to my thoughts and memories so that I could feel certainty about what was going on in my body. I felt like I should feel angry, or bitter, or discontent. But peace, really?! You see, in my dark days, my Lord and Savior was kind enough to meet me there, and that gives me peace! Psalm 34:18 says that "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." I feel peace that this little one will never take a breath, that we'll never know if it was a boy or a girl. Because I feel strongly settled that this was our Lord's will. Because we were not trying to get pregnant, and not in the "we're not trying, but not preventing" way either. It doesn't make sense that I got pregnant. But I did. It doesn't make sense that I was so aware of everything going on in my body, but I was. It doesn't make sense to feel peace, but I do! Psalm 139:13-16 was also comforting to me as I considered this whole process, and thought about verse 15 in particular. "My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth." I know this baby was known by our God, even if he or she was never known by us.

Now don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean that I'm not confused. This doesn't mean that I'm not sad and grieving! I've cried more tears in the last 2 weeks than I have in a very long time!! I wonder why, if our Lord was going to let me lose this baby, why He chose to let it happen in the first place? But I'm glad to know that if this was going to happen, it was at the hand of our all-knowing, ever-loving Father, and not just a random event. I also don't think that it is a coincidence that this happened at a time when my two most comforting "escapes" were gone (the ice cream and novels!), my husband and I barely got to see each other, and I just felt kind of alone! (Not that I even was! I had many friends and family members around me throughout all of this - and I'm so grateful for all of them, every kind word!) But this meant that instead of just running away, I ran to Him. I ran to the only one who can truly provide any kind of comfort and peace, and He did.

And I'm so glad He did.

Why I do what I do, and I love it.

2010-03-09T15:14:00.002-05:00

It's so hard to describe my job to someone who has never experienced a NICU before. The concept of a 1 pound baby just doesn't come out right in words. I saw this video earlier this week, and it made me fall in love with my job, all over again.

Did we move to Michigan or something?!

2010-02-10T13:20:00.006-05:00

I've wondered a few times over the past few days if somehow we were transported to somewhere like Michigan without our knowing it?!

From Friday afternoon until Saturday night, Baltimore city got dumped on with 26'' of snow complete with blizzard like winds, drifting and some nice sleet in the beginning to create a beautifully iced base for the snow to stick to. As you can see from our patio, there was just a little bit of snow, and this was Saturday morning before another 6 hours of snow!

Saturday morning we woke to a beautiful snowfall and just had to go out for a walk!! Having grown up for 4 years in Alaska, the 2-4 inches we see on average per year just isn't quite enough for me. I felt like a kid again as excited as I was to go out in it. Come to find out, playing in the snow as the mommy of a one year old isn't quite the same as when I was little and out all day sledding and building snowmen! But still, we had a blast.

We went for a walk in the morning and it honestly felt like we were in some kind of ghost town winter wonderland of sorts!! I love the way that snow transforms the city. There were only a few cars out and all the normal city noises had disappeared. All the sound was muffled, and it was just beautiful! Logan thought he owned the street, as you can see here :)

Some spots were just a little too deep for little man to walk through, he wasn't quite sure what to do with that.

After some good outside time, we came inside while Danny spent a few hours shoveling our street so we could walk more easily, and Logan found a nice cozy spot in our front window to watch the comings and goings in the neighborhood. He spent almost an hour sitting here, and every time I asked him if he wanted down I got a very adamant headshaking No!!

After a nap and some lunch we were back out for round two!! By then, the city had livened up again, but it was a city full of mostly friendly people, which was kind of nice for a change ;) We took Logan up to the pagoda in the park to do some sledding, which he absolutely LOVED!!

We found a much easier way to transport him in the snow, although the pink sled made everyone think he was a girl. It's actually my sled from when I was 5 or so. (That's our neighbor pulling him)

Here's a video of his first sledding experience.

And one last video of his first snowball fight, which he thought was pretty funny.

Lots of firsts

2010-01-13T05:13:00.006-05:00

We've had lots of firsts around here this month!

First yummy taste of birthday cake at his very first birthday party.

First haircut by his wonderful Aunt Lissa.

First nights without Mommy or Daddy.

First movie in a movie theater. (I don't have a picture of this one - but it was an adventure!)

First steps! (See the video in my last post)

Can someone tell me where my snuggly baby went and where this big independent boy came from? Every once in a while I still get a peek at that baby boy, when he just can't stand to not be in my arms while I cook dinner, or when he snuggles into my lap to watch a movie, or after we read books before naps.

Sometimes I miss him, the tiny helpless him.

But I can't imagine life without laughing at our big happy boy that is growing more and more into his personality every day.

I am so blessed to be his momma. I almost don't remember what it was like to not have him. I love him.

Big man walking!!

2010-01-07T11:08:00.004-05:00

Our little guy finally decided to start walking on New Year's Eve! He was finally distracted enough by something to forget that he wasn't holding onto something :)

Excuse the poor video quality - this video is off my phone and we're having technical difficulties with our other video!

Merry Christmas everyone!

2009-12-25T00:38:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas everyone!

Mason update

2009-12-17T08:44:00.001-05:00

Hey everyone,

Thank you for your prayers for this little guy! He is still in the ICU, but a lot of his labs and cultures are coming back negative at this point. Right now his kidneys are the highest concern. They are functioning at about 1/4-1/3 of normal capacity, causing all the swelling and discomfort. They think this is caused by the numbers of antibiotics he has been on in recent weeks/months. Hopefully through several different things they're doing right now they can pull some of this extra fluid off of him, and he will begin to recover quickly.

Thank you for your continued prayers!!

Plead for prayer

2009-12-14T18:55:00.001-05:00

Some of you have heard about the little boy Mason from my NICU from last year. This is just a message asking for urgent prayer for him. He is in the ICU at Hopkins right now, with lots of bleeding, fluid, swelling, low blood sugar and even some seizing this morning. I don't have much information at this point, but his mom just called and asked for prayer. He is really not doing well at all. He is one sick little boy with a very tired little body, and they are a very tired set of parents!

Please please please pray. I will let you know when I know anything else - probably not until tomorrow.

One whole year

2009-12-10T22:30:00.004-05:00

It's been a year. A YEAR!! One whole year since we welcomed our dear sweet little boy into this world, and our lives were changed forever. I have so many fun memories of this past year, some definite challenges, and a certain level of nervousness to go along with all of it!

My sweet little Logan, although I've had twenty three years without you, and only one with you, I can't imagine not having you here with us. You have brought so much joy to our lives, with your sweet little smiles, goofy little faces, and all the funny things you do. One year ago today you came into our lives, and we will never be the same. It is an honor and a joy to be your momma, and although I don't feel worthy of it at all, I am grateful that God has given me this opportunity.

I miss the days where we snuggled on the couch for hours upon hours, with your tiny body tucked on my chest. I miss those first smiles that we had to work so hard for!! But I wouldn't trade them for the hundreds of smiles I get every day now, and how sweet each little voluntary snuggle is. I miss your "baby days", but I love watching you grow, learn and explore. You're turning into a little toddler now, and while that is a tiny bit sad, it is such a joy to watch your personality unfold. I am so grateful that God has given you to us and kept you safe, we love you so much.

Thank you for being such a good sweet little boy, for knowing somehow just when your Momma needs a little snuggle and kiss, for making us laugh so much, and for being just enough not perfect to keep me on my toes, helping me daily to remember that I cannot do this in my strength. We love you our sweet boy.

The terrible horrible no good very bad day, and Philippians 4:13

2009-11-10T20:32:00.004-05:00

Warning: Long post ahead!!

Maybe it started with the baby that woke up screaming at 7:30 instead of talking and playing, like normal. Maybe it started with the 2 night shifts over the weekend, and then not really sleeping well yesterday or last night. Maybe it started a month ago, when my baby boy got sick and hasn't quite been right for a long time now. Maybe, just maybe, it started with my own selfishness and agenda of what I thought my day should/would look like.

As I just mentioned, Logan has been sick, teething, or both for a solid month now. We have not had more than 2 days without a fever, and just when I think he's getting better, he gets worse again. I've wrestled with how much to do, what to take him to, what to stay away from, etc. We can't stay locked up in this house until he has all his teeth, we'll both go crazy. He's happier when we're out at least a little bit, as am I! However, when we're home, he's been very fragile, temperamental, almost just downright moody. And I don't blame him! He feels rotten. He's got a snotty nose, teeth coming through, a fever, no balance (because of all the fluid in his head) and as of Sunday, a busted fat lip (due to the no balance!).

Needless to say, I am tired. I'm tired from working and not sleeping well. Tired from getting up with him in the middle of the night again, and to be honest, I'm tired of the whining and meltdowns! Mostly, I'm tired of him not feeling well and not being able to fix it.

So, today...today's plans were supposed to look like this: Bible study this morning, followed by a trip to the grocery store on the way home, a nice afternoon nap for Logan, and maybe even for me, then dinner and finishing off the day with caregroup.

However, today looked like this: Logan started running a fever again last night and woke up screaming twice last night and then again this morning. None of us slept well last night, and with him still being really fussy, Bible study got taken off the schedule for the day. I put him down for his morning nap and he proceeded to talk/whine/play/cry in his crib for an hour and a half. I finally gave in and decided he'd get up, we'd go to the store, and then just take one long nap today instead. The store was wonderful...crazy, I know. He was in a fantastic mood - singing and doing his cute little lip trills the whole stinkin' time. Adorable. We came home, got groceries inside, I gave Logan a bottle and he went to sleep. Perfect! I made snack for caregroup, ate lunch, and cleaned up a little bit, went upstairs with what should have been 2 hours left in his nap, so I was going to get to nap too! Do you think it happened? My little man woke up exactly 4 minutes after I laid down, and wanted nothing to do with going back to sleep. So...I gave up on that. After an okay afternoon, I tried again for another nap around 3:45. Dinner was ready to go in the oven, so I was going to lay down for an hour or so too! NOT! He wouldn't sleep. Scratch that off the list. We decided that Logan and I would stay home tonight from caregroup so he could go to bed on time, and I could chill out a little bit as well. He did, and I cleaned the kitchen and a little bit of pickup upstairs just in time to watch NCIS at 8. Then, it was the last straw for me. Taking my brand new fall decoration off the table to wipe it down, one of the hurricanes hit the chair and fell to the floor, shattering into...literally...thousands of pieces.

My pretty decoration minus one hurricane :(

I sat down in my kitchen and cried!! I thought..."I just can't do any more!! Now I have to vaccuum and mop the whole downstairs so Logan doesn't find any glass in his little hands when he's crawling around." I found glass from my front door all the way to my kitchen sink.

Somewhere in the middle of my own internal meltdown and temper tantrum, the Lord brought this verse to mind. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" ~ Philippians 4:13. All day I've been thinking...I can't do it, I can't stay awake, I can't discipline him one more time, I can't fight him through one more diaper change, I can't do one more load of dishes, etc. WHAT?! I CAN!! There is no reason whatsoever that I can't do these things. I have a Jesus that gives me the strength and grace to do one more thing, one more time, with one more attitude check.

So...I'm feeling a little defeated since it took me until 9 o'clock tonight to recognize this horrendous attitude I've had all day. I'm feeling like a bad momma who had a rotten attitude with my sick little boy all day. I'm feeling like a wife who should have been far more cheerful this evening than I was. And...I'm feeling convicted that my attitude was as awful as it was, and all for really minor circumstances. There are people, lots of them, out there today in far worse places, dealing with far harder things, and I have been so nasty all day! But, I'm trying to remind myself of Christ's forgiveness and grace, both of which I do not deserve. I'm thanking God for reminding me of His strength, and giving me the strength to mop the house and get through the rest of my evening. And I'm praying for a better tomorrow.

Sorry for the long rambling post, my brain is not functional enough to get more concise!! And sorry for the bad pictures, they're from my cell phone

This boy...

2009-11-03T14:59:00.003-05:00

likes to shake his booty!

Our little man loves his music, that's for sure!! He's such a goof. Sorry it's not the best quality, it's from his daddy's cell phone. Still pretty funny though.

His first little "tooph"

2009-10-18T02:14:00.008-04:00

Every once in a while, when Logan starts to act a little strange, I mention it to Danny, and a few times recently he's responded with a very sarcastic "Maybe he's getting teeth!" Apparently I've said and thought this too many times.

However, last weekend he finally did. The day he turned 10 months old, he was chewing on my finger when I felt a little something sharp, and there it is!

He's been such a good boy with these teeth. I can tell he doesn't feel good, and he frequently looks concerned about it. As you can see from the pictures, he's aware that something is different, because he's fooling around with his tongue all the time. but he's been so tough!

Such a cutie :)

Fells Point Fun Festival

2009-10-17T16:56:00.005-04:00

This festival is one of our favorite things in the city! Going this year was our second time, and it was every bit as enjoyable as the first, although a little more work pushing the stroller on the cobblestone through VERY large crowds. It's so fun to see the vast array of people that come out to this day - it's the full spectrum! This is one of the fun thigns of living in the city. At this festival, you'll find your more traditional craft fair items alongside the very modern and artsy photographers, with the one-man band drummer, guitar player and singer across the street. It's great to see the diversity.

This year it was pretty chilly and we waited until after Logan's nap, if you can't tell from the sleepy eyes above! He was very interested in the Raven's game on the tv, but was okay with turning it off once we opened the door and he realized we were going outside. Going outside ALWAYS wins, above everything else.

There were a lot of people on Thames Street that day! The weather was beautiful, just warm enough to be comfortable, with a nice crisp breeze. It was definitely fall, but that was great.

Just a shot of me with my boy at the end of the day. I love that smile.

On the charts!

2009-10-09T05:12:00.003-04:00

As of October 8th, at almost 10 months old, our little man has finally climbed his way back onto the growth charts!! It's been a few months of occasional anxiety for me as I've tried to do everything I knew how to make him gain weight, and often wondered if I'm doing the right thing, or doing everything I can.

Yesterday, Logan weighed in at 17 lbs. 6 ozs. and 27 1/2 inches long. This puts him at the 5th percentile for weight and the 10th for length. I'll take that!! For the past several visits his weight has not been on the chart, so this is a definite improvement.

I'm learning, ever so slowly (SO slowly), that as much as I want to, I just cannot control everything about my little man. I want to do everything right, and know exactly what I'm doing, and that's just not how it works. If that were the case, there would be no need to learn to trust in the Lord and HIS plan, and I would probably take any successes as my own, and not give the credit to whom it is due.

In the past several weeks, our baby boy has gotten so much bigger! Not necessarily in size, but in his activity and actions, and attitudes.

The silly things he's doing:
~ Clapping his hands when I come in to get him out of his crib, or out of his carseat.
~ Standing up in his crib, or sitting with his legs through the bars swinging his feet and talking to himself.
~ Blowing lots and lots of raspberries!
~ "Hiney scooting" around our house, instead of just regular crawling :)
~ "Reading" books...by himself...out loud...and often in the stroller with his feet up on the tray.

The sweet things he does:
~ He's turned a little more snuggly again, and when I get him up from his crib, he lays his head on my shoulder for a few minutes and pats my back - this is probably my favorite thing.
~ He LOVES his daddy - and the look on his face when Danny walks through the door every night is priceless!

He's precious, and we love him. We are so blessed.

Welcome Braden!!

2009-09-16T09:54:00.007-04:00

This past weekend, we were up in New Jersey visiting my brother and his wife for a few days, and then also got to spend my sister's birthday with her! I know for some of you who have local family, the birthday thing might not seem that exciting - but we rarely see each other on our birthdays, and they were a BIG thing growing up!

Well, my brother and his wife are due to have a baby on October 2nd, and one of the main purposes of this trip was to take up the crib mattress, swing, and some baby clothes for the little guy. We got there VERY late on Friday night and chatted until about 2:30 or 3 I think, then spent a wonderful day together on Saturday. It was rainy and a little chilly, definite fall weather, but it made for a perfect day to sip lots of coffee, snuggle up on the couch and comfy chairs in their living room, let Logan get full naps, and just spend time together!

We had a wonderful lunch and dinner that Cherilyn prepared for us, and after dinner I was just getting Logan in his pj's when Cherilyn came up the stairs looking a little uneasy. She talked to Matt for a minute or so, and then called me back into the bedroom. With her words "I think my water just broke", the whole weekend changed!

We all scurried around getting her and my brother ready to go to the hospital, and then we packed ourselves up to stay at my aunt's house, which was only 5 minutes from the hospital instead of an hour.

Little Braden Scott Magee was born at 4:41 am on Sunday, September 13th. The joy of being there to share in the experience of his arrival was such a blessing! As I said before, my siblings are not local, so many of these special things are experienced from afar. It was absolutely wonderful to be there.

I can't make the pictures work right now (is anybody else having picture issues with blogger?) but if you go to our flickr page, you can see them there!

Not quite like I thought

2009-08-17T02:21:00.000-04:00

We were all prepared, psyched up for the big day. Our boy was starting solids! We waited until a Saturday so Danny could be home to share in the fun. (And yes, this is old news - but a fun story and some funny pictures that I just had to share!)

We went out the night before to buy the perfect little spoons and bowls, and even his highchair, which we didn't have yet. It's still exciting to me that I get to have all these fun little things in my house! I love opening the cabinet and seeing baby accessories. It brings a smile to my face almost every time.

We were walking through Greetings and Readings on our way out to the car when Danny saw the little cup below, and decided that our little boy just had to have it. Logan loved it, and carried it all the way out to the car, and proceeded to chew on it all the way home.

I made his rice cereal from scratch the day before - and I just knew he would love it. Here we are - ready for our first big bite!

So...he wasn't quite so sure of it - and looked at me wondering what I had just given him! I was sure that after a bite or two that he'd get the idea and love it.

But, after a bite or two - this is the look I got. A beautiful face, isn't it? This is what he thought of my homemade rice cereal. Not quite what I was hoping for.

It's been almost 2 months now, and rest assured - this little boy has learned to love his food! Some of his favorites at this point are sweet potatoes, peaches with cereal, avocado, and his newest favorite is pears! The cup? Not so much yet. He still has no idea what to do with it, other than shake it on his tray when I have the valve out, hoping he'll get the idea. Oh well, one day he will! We all do, right?

I am having a blast making his food and watching him get one step bigger. I love being this little boy's momma!

I keep waiting

2009-08-17T01:48:00.002-04:00

So...I've given up. I keep thinking that in just a few days, our computer will be fixed, and I'll be able to write all these posts I have in my head, complete with pictures and all. But...it's just not happening yet! So, I'll write them, and just add pictures later!

I do have a few pics that I might be able to add, but I just have too many things to write about to keep waiting. Keep your eye out for some new stories around here!

So many things!

2009-07-15T09:25:00.002-04:00

I have so many things to catch up on!! It's been a busy few weeks around here, and hopefully sometime in the next few days I have just a few things to blog about...

Logan's eating solid foods
Our trip to Cape May
Our wonderful Independence Day week with my family
Our new nephew and the week we spent with cousins!
7 month update

Hopefully I can get to it soon! We're still alive over here :)

Can anybody tell me...

2009-06-10T16:41:00.005-04:00

where the last 6 months have gone?!

I can't believe that it has been half a YEAR since this little angel of a boy entered our world. Our little Logan has brought such joy to our lives, more than either of us ever could ever have imagined. We are so grateful that God has given him to us to raise.

6 month stats:

~ 14 lbs. 11 ozs.
~ 26.5'' long

So...he's only gained 5 ozs. since our last appointment. Not quite what he should be at this point! He's dropped from the 60th percentile in weight to just under the 5th, which means he is about 2 pounds underweight from staying on his curve. We are planning to start solids this week anyways, but may be adding one nighttime feeding as well. We'll go in for a weight check in 4 weeks to see if it's helping. Gotta chunk him up a little more!

Fun things he's doing:

~ "Clapping" his feet together
~ Giggling at lots more things!
~ Flirting with anyone who will look at him when we're out
~ Kicking his legs and moving his arms like he's swimming when he's really excited (usually in the stroller or Baby Bjorn)
~ Tapping his hands when Danny is drumming on things (which is almost all the time) ;)

Some of his favorite things:

Being outside, in the stroller, the Baby Bjorn, on a blanket, or any other way you can think of!

His Daddy!

His Jumperoo (Thank you Camden for letting your buddy borrow it!!)

We love this little boy to death, and can't believe it's already been 6 months, but in a way, can't believe it's only been 6 months. Craziness. Thank you Lord for this good gift.

3 years already?!

2009-06-04T10:05:00.003-04:00

**Warning - very long, sappy post ahead!! And yesterday was actually this wonderful day, but it was a little crazy***

Happy anniversary baby! Today I am freshly aware of God's grace on our lives as we hit this milestone of 3 years of marriage - craziness!

This wonderful journey started 4 1/2 years ago when you leaned over to me across the picnic tables at lunch on Fall Retreat and asked what I was doing after lunch, and if we could talk. We walked around the lake, found a rock to sit on, and after a few hours of wonderful conversation, we walked back up to the camp officially in a relationship. I never knew that day would be life-changing, but it was. The next 9 months together were filled with joy as we got to know each other, went on fun dates, served in CRU together, and spent many late nights hanging out with the CRU folks, many afternoons in coffee shops, and anything else we could think of, as long as we were together.

4 years ago, we found ourselves again at Summit Lake for a picnic lunch to "celebrate your birthday"...or so I thought! That afternoon you expressed your love to me and asked if I would spend the rest of my life with you...and through tears and a little bit of dizziness I was thrilled to be able to tell you that I loved you, and of course I would!

Then 3 years ago on that wonderful, beautiful sunny day...we pledged our love and our lives to each other. I will never forget the joy of that day...and the joy that has filled our lives since then. We've had rough days certainly, but through it all, the joy of being together and living life together has never left.

We've been through so many seasons since we got married. That first precious summer that we saw each other every evening, had dinner in our little apartment all the time, grilled out, went to the pool, settled into our new home, had friends over...we had no idea what would hit us once August came! Then it did, and we both went back to school - you went part-time for your MBA and I went full time for my last year to get my BSN.

In March we moved into the city...who ever would've thought we'd live here?! I think we probably would've laughed if anybody told us we'd be here...ever! It was a wonderful year spent in that beautiful home we rented...and my first year working as a nurse. It brought all kinds of new challenges - early mornings and all night long shifts. At times we went days without ever even passing...between your work and school and my rotating work schedule, they were busy days! Day after day you reminded me that life wouldn't be like this forever...and I could do it...no matter how many times I told you that I just couldn't! Not for one more day...I was sure of it.

Almost exactly a year later, we moved into our very own home - again in the city! As if that wasn't enough change, 5 days later we learned just how different our lives would become when that second pink line showed up on that test. We entered a new season of trials, with a wonderful cause, but trials nonetheless. Morning after morning of throwing up, days (months really) gone by that I could hardly open the fridge to get my orange juice, much less cook a meal?!

Then on that wonderful day in December, our little guy entered this world and our lives, latched onto our hearts (as if he hadn't already), and we became Mommy and Daddy. I still can't really believe he's ours. It just doesn't feel like we're old enough to have him!

It's been almost 6 months since he was born, and it still feels like a dream. This day, this season that we waited for so long to arrive, can it possibly really be here? These wonderful days where you're home every evening for dinner, not in class, I'm not at work, we're just here as a family. These wonderful days that I get to spend at home with our little Logan, being the momma I've wanted to be, getting to take care of our home (although it hardly shows!). I must be dreaming!

As we walk through whatever our Lord has next for us, I thank Him for the good gifts He's given us, so many of them, and pray that we would find His blessing in everything. I thank Him for the gift of you in my life! Our days together are sweet...and I don't ever want to take them, or you, for granted.

I love you. I love being your wife, being the mother of our child, the homemaker of our home, and I love knowing that no matter what, we're in this together. Thank you for changing my life that day 4 1/2 years ago.

Giggly boy!

2009-06-02T14:35:00.005-04:00

Finally! A giggle on video :) Our little guy has the cutest little giggle in the world, but is awfully picky about when he chooses to share it with us! Usually he giggles the most when he's REALLY tired! Things that he finds funny one day are completely non-interesting the next....goofy boy.

Ahh, such a fun sound!

Ponies Ponies Ponies!

2009-06-02T14:20:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of keeping my sister's girls for a few days. Emily and Grace were such a huge help with my little guy, and it was especially fun to think back on the many times that I spent weekends and weeks with Jeni when I was about the girl's ages and they were about Logan's age! Craziness.

The girls are doing a unit study on horses in school, so we spent 2 full days at the barn enjoying the horses! I have some pics of all of us, but they're not uploaded yet...however, in the middle of this...Logan also got to sit up on Jazz for the very first time!

Lovin' it!

"Mom, what is this big thing?!"

5 months and Mother's Day!

2009-05-15T02:59:00.005-04:00

Our little man turned 5 months old on Sunday, which was also my very first Mother's Day getting to hold my own little one in my arms...what a fabulous feeling! I even got my very own Mommy's day card signed with the footprints of my little boy.

We had such a wonderful day on Sunday! We went to church with my parents and got to introduce Logan to some of the folks out in Frederick he hadn't met yet. Then we went to lunch at the wonderful Fairfield Inn, a wonderful Bed and Breakfast where we've gone for multiple Mother's Day lunches. Logan was a DREAM through lunch, sitting in his carseat for a while and then playing with Gramma, Grampa and Daddy while I got to finish my amazing lunch.

This is the wonderful smile that we get to see so often these days! This particular one

was aimed at his Grampa at lunch on Sunday.

After lunch, we took a few minutes to get some pictures outside, which turned into a faceplant for Mom and a few minute break for that! Luckily, she is doing fine, albeit very sore for the past few days. To help her feel better, we headed to the outlets for some shopping ~ one of our favorite pastimes!

Such a handsome little man.

Ahh, the fun parts of being a mommy :) Nothing like the feeling of warm spit-up dripping down the inside of your shirt to make it feel like Mommy's day. :)

3 Generations - I still can't believe I have my very own baby!

Some of the fun things our little man is doing recently.

~ Smiling a TON and giggling, but only selectively. You have to be VERY funny and he has to be pretty tired to get a whole lot of giggles. Needless to say, we make ourselves look pretty dumb trying to coax out some of these adorable giggles. Hopefully soon I'll capture it and be able to put up a video.

~ Rolling over from his tummy to his back, where he is much happier!

~ Almost rolling from his back to his tummy, but mostly just spending a lot of time curled at a very odd angle on his side so he can see whatever it is he wants to.

~ Blowing raspberries at us.

~ Watching LOST with Mommy and Daddy...this little boy loves him some tv!

~ Getting distracted when he should be eating. He's far more interested in Daddy, the radio, the book I'm reading, or anything else to be interested in eating. Of course, as soon as we take the food away, he wants it right back! Luckily the food usually wins, but he sure does like watching what's going on!

~ Giving a very pouty lip when he's realized that whoever is holding him isn't his Momma.

I can't believe he's 5 months old already...I still feel like I was just pregnant and dying for him to get here a few days ago! I love being a momma :)

My new car!

2009-04-21T09:56:00.003-04:00

Our car search has finally ended! Last Monday, my hubby bought me a beautiful Honda Pilot that I love! No more back breaking trying to get Logan in and out of the back seat of my 2-door VW Cabrio, thinking bad words in my head while I try to get the stroller in and out, and sitting with my knees touching the dashboard on the way to church.

Now, parallel parking this baby has proven to be a greater challenge than with the Cabrio, but so far not too bad :)

Come on road trip - we're ready for ya!

I will be sad to see my Cabrio go, it's been a great, fun little car. But, it just isn't really practical any more.

I love my new car - it's been so fun every day to go out and climb in, drop Logan's seat in nice and easy, and zoom out to wherever we're going. :)

Missin' my honey

2009-04-01T10:48:00.004-04:00

Logan and I are out of town for a few days in New Jersey with my siblings - and this is the email I got from my honey yesterday :) (You'll have to click on it to make it bigger) Love you honey - thanks!

Not exactly what I had in mind

2009-03-19T19:01:00.002-04:00

About an hour ago, I was taking a wonderful bubble bath while Danny played with Logan. (It's my weakness - I love hot water!) Well, Logan needed a bath, so when I was close to done, I told Danny to bring him in so I could just bathe him in there with me.

I thought it would be fun, he could be in deeper water because I'd be holding him, etc.

So...he was having a blast, not so sure about how deep the water was, but enjoying himself still. He'd been in the tub with me for about, oh maybe a minute when he tooted, and proceeded to fill the tub with nice yellow seedy poop!!!

I had such nice dreams of what those 20 minutes would be, and they did not include a little man's poop!

Mmm, gotta love 'im.

Let it snow!

2009-03-16T21:20:00.004-04:00

Here are a few pics from the snowstorm 2 weeks ago - we took Logan out in the snow for about 3 minutes - it was SO cold and windy! He was not very happy about it, but was okay...

until I put him down. Look at that sad face! :(

My Love

2009-02-17T21:38:00.004-05:00

Random facts about us:

What are your middle names?
Lawrence and Bethany

How long have you been together?
Married 2.5 years

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We knew each other for just about a year before we "DTR'ed"

Who asked who out?
Danny asked me, at Fall Retreat with CRU.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Danny's - they're local. We see mine for more extended periods though when they're in town (or we're out of town)

Do you have any children together?
Our little Logan!

What about pets?
Well, I don't know if he qualifies as a pet, b/c he doesn't live with us. But, I have a horse named Jazz that my parents gifted me with when I was 13.

Did you go to the same school?
Yup - Towson University.

Who is the most sensitive?
Me.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Panera probably, but when we're going out for dinner dates we try different places in the city.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Punta Cana, Dominican Republic for our honeymoon.

Who has the worst temper?
Not really either - we're not really hot headed people.

Who does the cooking?
I do, now...although when I was pregnant Danny did pretty much all of it.

Who is more social?
We're both pretty social people, but probably me.

Who is the neat freak?
Danny is. He doesn't care if there is dirt as long as there isn't clutter. I don't care if there is clutter as long as there isn't dirt! It gets interesting :)

Who is the most stubborn?
Danny probably is, but it is rarely towards me.

Who hogs the bed?
Depends on the night, but most of the time me. I like to snuggle when I sleep!

Who wakes up earlier?
Danny does. At this point, I'm just beginning to get out of the "sleep when the baby sleeps" phase.

Where was your first date?
We went to Chiaparelli's in Little Italy for my birthday, then to Vacarro's for dessert, then walked around the Inner Harbor and Barnes' and Noble. It was fabulous :)

Who has the bigger family?
I do.

Do you get flowers often?
I wouldn't say often - but they wouldn't be special if they were often!

How long did it take to get serious?
We were pretty intentional the whole time, and knew that the goal of our relationship was marriage, and until it was clear that wouldn't work - that's where we were headed. We got engaged after 8 months, and married a year later.

Who eats more?
I hate to say it, but probably me. I shouldn't, but I probably do.

Who sings better?
I do.

Who does the laundry?
I do. He doesn't believe in sorting.

Who’s better with the computer?
Danny is by far.

Who drives when you are together?
Mostly Danny.

Who picks where you go to dinner?
If it's a special date, usually Danny. Otherwise, we choose together.

Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?
Danny is definitely better at this than I am.

Who wears the pants in the relationship?
Danny.

Who has more tattoos?
None at all.

Who eats more sweets?
Me - I love 'em!

Who cries more?
Honestly, does anybody think that Danny would cry more than me?

2 months old

2009-02-16T15:10:00.005-05:00

This post is a little delayed, due to a certain little man's miserable cold that has occupied our time this past week. But, he's not too much older yet!

I can't believe my little Logan is 2 months old! It honestly seems like just yesterday that I could've sworn he was never going to come, and I would be pregnant forever. Not so!

At his appointment last week, we were shocked to find out that our not-so-little man weighs 11 lbs. 11 ozs! He has definitely gone through a growth spurt, and is significantly chubbier than he was when we came home. I love his chubby little thighs, and the rolls on his wrists and ankles. He's so stinkin' cute.

He has had several firsts these past few weeks...
~ First smiles and cooing conversations
~ First cold (and it has been miserable)
~ First road trip! (We went to TN for my niece's 3rd birthday - it was a blast! He did really well in the car - it was still long, but totally worth it!

I'm sure there are others, but that's all I can think of for now. We sure love having him around and watching him grow. So fun :)

Some of the best days of my life!

2009-02-16T14:55:00.004-05:00

These have been some of the best days of my life. I have been very sleepy, in a certain level of pain for a while, and felt emotions I didn't know existed. I have gotten to the end of many days and wondered what on earth I've done all day! I've never questioned myself as much as these last 2 months. Time after time I've thought I just couldn't do it for one more second. I couldn't go through one more contraction, one more push, one more step. I didn't know how I could handle one more middle of the night feeding, one more sleepless night, one more time being spit up ALL over, or one more day where he doesn't nap well.

But you know what? I have. By the grace of God, I've done it. And you know what else? I'd do it again, and Lord willing, I will. I love it. I love every second of being this little man's momma, being my hubby's wife and a homemaker. It's hard, and it's different, but it's what I was made for.

Day after day our little man is a delight and a joy to me. He is growing so fast I can't believe it. I constantly wish that I could just slow it down. I can't believe how quickly these last 2 months have gone! These days are fleeting, but so much fun. I am trying to soak in every second, because I know they will be gone before I know it. The days that I feel the most content are not the ones when I get to the end and the laundry is done, dinner was good and on time, the house is clean, emails and blogs are updated. No, the days I love the most are spent snuggling, playing "aahhh" (cooing back and forth at each other), reading books to a little man who has no idea what I'm saying, and even spending time just watching him play.

I am so amazingly blessed to be in this place. These are days I've anticipated, and I'm lovin' it! I am so grateful that God has chosen to give me these days.

Psalm 37:4 ~ Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Prayers answered!

2009-01-21T16:19:00.002-05:00

Thank you so much for all of your prayers! The meeting went beautifully.

We got there in time, and Logan had eaten right before we left the house, so he was happily resting/sleeping in his carseat. My boss was very friendly and open to hearing my reasoning. When I finished explaining my thoughts, she sat quietly for a second and said "Well, we'll give it a try!"

It was nice to be back on the unit and get to see people for just a few minutes. I truly do love my job, it has been such a blessing, and I am thankful that she is letting me come back.

Thanks again for your prayers!

Prayer needed!

2009-01-20T16:33:00.002-05:00

Many of you know that I am planning to go back to work part-time at my position in the NICU. My goal is to go back at 30%, which means one 12-hour shift per week. When I brought this idea to my boss in late October, she was not very receptive to the idea. As in, she was fairly shocked. She said she would think about it, and never said anything to me about it again before I went out on maternity leave.

Well, I emailed her last week to see if I could come in and speak with her about my hours when I return, and I am going in tomorrow at 1:00. I am extremely anxious about the whole thing. #1 - I am anxious just about the meeting. I want to keep my job, but working 2 days a week isn't an option. In the year and a half I have been there, I have fallen in love with what I do. I love the babies, the families, my coworkers, and I feel at home there. I am comfortable with who I can ask for help and advice, and with the routine there. I want to stay! #2 - I am taking Logan with me, and I am afraid that he will need to eat around that time, or scream through the whole meeting, and I don't know what to do about it!

Please pray for peace for me. Peace that God is in control of this situation, peace that Logan will do okay, and peace to say the right words. Deep down, I feel like she will let me do 30%, but I think some of that is pure denial of the fact that I just might not get to stay there. I don't want to question God if she won't let me come back.

I will let you know how it goes. Thank you!

Isn't it wonderful...

2009-01-17T15:09:00.003-05:00

When God chooses to show us how He cares about the little things in life?!

A little bit of background...my mom is making a baby blanket for Logan. She crocheted a blanket for me when she was about 6 months pregnant, in the hospital trying not to have me, and it has been well loved! So, when we found out we were pregnant, I asked her if she could make a replica for our baby. We spent several weeks trying to match the colors of the yarn, and couldn't find the colors exactly. Then, Mom called one day to say that she had found the yarn...the EXACT yarn, in the basement, leftover from my blanket! She thought it would be enough to do another blanket.

Last week, I got the following email from her.

“As I finished almost the last row of color last night on Logan’s blanket, um, I began to worry if I’d have enough purple left. Check the picture for the end result."

If you look VERY closely, you can see about one inch of yarn left. How neat! It is such a little detail, but I'm very glad to have this blanket for Logan, one that matches, exactly, the one I had growing up. Made by the same hands, with the same yarn.

I love how our God loves us!

5 weeks

2009-01-16T20:50:00.005-05:00

Wow!! What has happened to the last 5 weeks?!

So, this post was originally going to be one about the first month of my little Logan's life, and the week got away from me. He's already 5 weeks old, I cannot believe it!

These last weeks have been full of joy and smiles, with a few tears and some frustration thrown in the mix as well. The first 3 weeks of Logan's life, we were greatly blessed for Danny to have time off to spend with us. We were also able to spend a full week with my family in Frederick over Christmas - and it was a wonderful week. :) Logan was snuggled and loved by a combination of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I got to spend a ton of time with my mom, sisters and aunt...it was so much fun!

We have had the typical challenges of having a newborn - lost sleep, new family interactions, high expectations (mine of myself). In addition to this, Logan has had some tummy issues that have been a little challenging. He spits up, a ton, and his tummy definitely hurts him often. Usually he spits up the most in the middle of the night, straight down my chest or my neck...sanctification in progress, I suppose. ;) My wonderful sister has been a huge help to me, walking me through eliminating certain foods to see if he's sensitive to anything, and it seems to be helping in the past few days. We'll see!

Overall, we're doing very well - loving this new season...one where we're both home, a lot. It's been refreshing to spend time together, and in our home. We are feeling greatly blessed!

I love being a momma. It is so much more than I ever thought it would be! It definitely has challenges, for sure - but I love it. All the rough nights and days are more than made up for when he snuggles into me and falls asleep, or makes eye contact with me, or any of the other number of cute things he does! I love him so much.

I'm hoping to catch up in the next few weeks on posting, updating pictures, etc. I still can't believe that 5 weeks have gone by without 1 post. We're still here, I promise!

Our precious little miracle!

2008-12-12T22:15:00.006-05:00

Our little miracle, Logan Daniel Cole, was born on Wednesday December 10th at 4:15pm - we are SO blessed! He is wonderfully healthy, weighing in at 6 lbs. 15 ozs and 19 inches long.

We have been absolutely flooded with loving family and friends these past few days. We cannot thank everyone enough for your prayers, encouragement, love, and sweet comments about our little man. He is truly a dream come true, and we look forward to sharing more about his life with you as the days go by.

Sorry it has taken a few more days to get this stuff up here, we had some difficulties with the network at the hospital and the pictures. There is a new link on the right that will have all our updated pictures of him, and there will be plenty! Between his Daddy and his Grampa, this little boy has already been the subject of somewhere around 500 pictures.

I'm sitting here with this little body on my chest, and I am freshly amazed at our God's creation, grace, and in awe of His design. Even just throughout the delivery, the things that God created my body to do in order to bring this little guy into the world, and the things that his little body knew immediately how to do...countless miracles within just a few hours and days.

We are madly in love with this little boy, and so incredibly grateful for everyone's love. Thank you!

A Christmas to Remember

2008-12-09T19:00:00.007-05:00

I wanted to take you on a little Christmas tour of our home! I absolutely love the Christmas season, and I get an amazing amount of joy out of the traditions found in this season, and being in my home with it all decorated! I've always wondered why I love this season so much, and I think that one of the reasons is that while I was growing up, everyone came home at Christmas! I love my family to death, and this was definitely a time I looked forward to.

Our little yellow house - our neighbors are probably thrilled that we've done something with the outside of the house - they pretty much decorate for EVERY holiday, and we haven't done anything at all!

I love this little reindeer! I got him last year after Christmas for just a few dollars I think :) Definitely one of the best times to buy decorations.

Come on in!

This is one of my favorite little decorations - and it's so simple. I just fill it with the trimmings off the bottom of the tree, and some berry picks that I got a few years ago.

Our tree! We always do a real tree - I love the smell and the fun of going out to get it. Living in the city does provide a little bit of an interesting scenario, since the only cute little place to get trees only had $60 trees! So...we drove to Home Depot, not quite as quaint as a little church setup, or a tree farm - but still fun!

Another of my favorite things. Setting up Mom's Christmas village was always my responsibility (and privilege) and our first year married she gave me the wonderful gift of two houses and a few people to start my own village.

My favorite flowers

Our centerpiece on the table - I love the warmth of candles in the winter.

Another of my favorite decorations. These letters were a gift last year from my sister, and I love them! Danny and his creative juices put the candles behind them - which I don't think I would've come up with, but I love it!

Our upstairs banister wrapped in garland. We didn't do much else upstairs, other than a few things set on each of our dressers, and a candle in the bathroom.

We did do one last fun thing though!! This is currently hanging on the baby's crib - just waiting for him or her to arrive! I can't believe that we're going to have a baby in this house for Christmas! The stocking holder is mine from growing up - I believe that Mom painted them for us?

In case you can't tell - we love Christmas around here! We feel greatly blessed this year, and every year :) Assuming this baby arrives before Christmas (which we can't imagine that he/she wouldn't), in the next two weeks, Danny will finish his MBA, we will have a baby, and I will get to spend the first whole Christmas with my family in 3 years!

God has been wonderful to us.

Thanks for coming through our house!

One of "those" women

2008-12-04T13:45:00.008-05:00

I've always told myself I'd never become one of "those" women. You know, the ones that turn crazy when they're pregnant, and the rest of the world can't wait until the baby's born just so that the hormones will return to normal levels, and so will she. I never understood how someone who has been given the amazing gift of a child about to be born could be so focused on something like their swollen feet, or how much their back hurts, and do nothing but exclaim just how much they want it out!!

I've seen the effect that this attitude can have on other women. The discouragement, heartbreak, and even bitterness that can arise in a woman who would give anything to be pregnant, but can't for multiple reasons, whether that be infertility, lack of a husband or just a phase of life that doesn't allow it. I've seen the woman who smiles sweetly, congratulates a couple that has just made "the announcement" and promptly finds herself a corner or bathroom to be alone where she can shed her tears; and the woman who just can't attend one more baby shower or dedication because of the heartbreak she herself is experiencing. The thought that my behavior could cause these kinds of feelings in someone else breaks my heart.

Yesterday morning I woke up again having contractions, and thought to myself "Maybe this is the day!" Mind you, this is the same thought I've had almost every day since my doctor started checking me almost 2 weeks ago and said she didn't think I had much longer to go. Needless to say, an hour and a half later, I had only had one other contraction. I pitched quite the temper tantrum at God in the shower, and another at my poor husband a few minutes later.

About 30 minutes later, in the middle of my quiet time, I had a complete emotional breakdown when I realized that I have become "that woman", and for a while, I felt like I have somehow failed. I have become what I always said I wouldn't. I still regret much of the attitude that I have had for these last months, but I am also reminded that God's mercies are new every morning - thank goodness for that!

I can't wait for this baby to be born. Mostly, I am just really excited to meet him or her, find out if it is a boy or a girl, see what the baby looks like! But I have also found myself complaining about the other negative parts of these last weeks of pregnancy far too often. I sobbed as I prayed and asked for God's forgiveness, and His help in being patient and trusting in His timing for this little one to arrive. I was encouraged by James 1:2-4 ~ "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith provides endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing". When I get to the end of this, it will be in God's timing, and His timing is perfect! Though I feel like it has been long enough, apparently it has not.

So, for those of you who have been offended, hurt, or even just annoyed by my complaints or comments, I want to apologize. I am sorry for my negative attitude, and for any temper tantrums of mine that you have had to witness. Especially for those women that struggle with this area in particular, for any of the reasons above, or for others I didn't think of - I am so sorry. I cannot imagine this pain, and would never want to assume that I can. My heart breaks for you, and you are in my prayers. Please forgive me for any offensive or thoughtless comments I have made.

This is, and has been, a hard season, but that does not change things. Every moment of every day I am witnessing, and carrying, a miracle. I am about to enter the season of life that I have waited for for a long time. I am SO grateful. Every day I work with families who don't make it this far with a healthy baby. We are so blessed in so many ways, and I do not want to lose sight of that for one minute! This baby is a gift of God, and we cannot wait to meet him or her, but we will do so in His timing, not ours. Hopefully that will be soon, and we will be home long before Christmas with this little one. But if not, I am trusting (or trying really hard to!) that it is for good reason, and we will love this baby even more by the time he or she gets here, whenever that may be.

Pediatrician

2008-11-25T09:50:00.004-05:00

So...the other day, I had a slight panic moment when I realized that I have yet to choose a doctor for this baby! I have NO idea how to go about this process - so I thought I'd turn to you all for help!

For my local friends: Do any of you have a pediatrician/family practice doc that you love? I'd like to stay as close to the city as possible - but I'd be willing to drive to White Marsh or Towson.

For my out of town friends: What do you look for in a pediatrician? Do you go and interview them? How does this whole process work? Do you prefer a straight pediatrician, or a family practice doc?

Thanks ladies!!! Guess I should start to figure this stuff out :)

Four

2008-11-21T09:01:00.002-05:00

This is an email forward I got - but I'm gonna use it as a blog post! I'd love to see your responses, either in an email or on your blog. :)

Four places that I go to over and over:

Home
Church
Caregroup
Work

Four people who e-mail me (regularly):

Danny
Libby
Julia
Melissa

Four of my favorite places to eat

LongHorn Steakhouse
Chick-Fil-A
Panera
Noodles & Company

D) Four places you would rather be:

Anywhere with my family all together :)
Bermuda
On a trail ride with my horse
Shopping and having coffee with my mom, aunt and sisters.

(E) Four people I tag!

Melissa
Danielle
Liz
Kristin

F) Four TV shows I watch:

Friends
Lost
Hopkins
Any other medical/mystery/CSI type show! :)

How about the rest of you? What are your "fours"?

So blessed!

2008-11-07T15:54:00.002-05:00

Danny and I feel so blessed this week! In only the last 7 days, I have had one baby shower at work, one at church, and found out about a family shower being thrown for Baby after he or she is here!

We are so grateful for the effort people have gone to just to shower us with their love and excitement as we have this baby.

On Halloween, there was a "Halloween party" at my work, or so I thought. I signed up to bring crab dip, and when they called me back to heat it up for the party, I was shocked to see a big sign in the lounge that said "Welcome Baby Cole!" Two of my friends at work had planned the whole thing as a surprise, and I definitely was!

Then on Sunday, our caregroup threw a church shower for me...which was so much fun! Every second of it was a blast, and I'll have to post some pictures later of the amazing decorating job!

Thank you to everyone who has contributed in any way to helping us prepare for this baby. Every time I walk in the nursery, I am amazed at how much we are loved, and the number of people who have helped, purchased gifts, made gifts, donated clothes, etc. just to help us get ready.

Thank you. We look forward to introducing him or her to you, not too long from now!

Handsome Man

2008-10-27T04:26:00.008-04:00

It's not his birthday, our anniversary, or any "special day" in particular.

I just wanted to let the world know how much I love him. We've spent just over 4 years together, from when we had our "DTR" at Fall Retreat with CRU. (For those of you who aren't familiar with this particular term, it stands for Define the Relationship) At times, I can't believe it's been 4 years already, and at other times, I can hardly remember what it was like not to have him there.

I just love him. With everything in me, I fall in love with him more every day. We have our challenges, our hard days, and life is by no means a fairy tale, but I love it, and I love him.

Day after day, he works endlessly to care for me, to serve me, and to care for our little one that isn't even here yet. 2 1/2 years ago, he started his MBA - not because he wanted to be in school again (although he does enjoy the learning) but mostly because he knew that it was a wise step that would be necessary for him to provide for us throughout the rest of our years. This program has been hard! Like I said, he does enjoy the learning aspect of it, but there have been many seemingly pointless class sessions, projects, and even field trips throughout the whole process.

Every day he leaves in the morning and spends 9 hours of his day working to provide for us, without a breath of complaint, even though he doesn't really love what he does, or all of the people he works with.

Especially in the last 7 months, he has come home from his days ready and willing to do whatever needs to be done around the house. He trims and pounds meat that needs to be cooked, because it makes me nauseous. He cleans the bathrooms so that our little one isn't exposed to any chemicals. He gets up in the middle of the night for juice when I'm nauseous, and has wet more washcloths and held my hair away from my face more times than I'm sure he'd like to even think about! He has turned a junk-filled office into a beautiful nursery, ready to welcome this little one to the world. He does these things, not because he is asked, but because he wants to, before I have asked for anything. In fact, he hasn't let me clean the bathrooms or the kitchen floor this entire pregnancy. I'm spoiled rotten by this man, and I certainly never wonder if I'm loved!

Almost every night, before he goes to sleep, he makes sure that he talks to Baby for a minute, prays for us, and waits for his or her "daily kicks for Daddy". I can't wait to see him be a daddy :) He's gonna be great!

I could say so much more, and could come up with more and more ways that he loves me.

Some days, it's scary to love this much, but I wouldn't give it up for the world. He is my best friend, I love the feeling of his arms around me, and I still treasure waking up next to him every morning.

What can I say, I just love him.

Yummy chicken recipe

2008-10-09T13:42:00.004-04:00

This is one of my favorite recipes, adapted from one of my sister's recipes. It's really yummy and pretty easy!

You will need:

1 pack chicken breasts

1/2 bottle or so of your favorite barbecue sauce

Deli ham

Cheddar cheese

I usually try to pound out the chicken so it's kind of thin, it cooks faster, and is more tender that way!

Tenderize chicken
Place in 9x13 pan (or smaller, if it will fit)
Lay ham slices on top of chicken
Top with cheddar (or Swiss cheese, if you like it)
Bake at 350 for 30 minutes, or however long it takes to cook the chicken all the way through. This will be affected by how thin you pound it out!

It's really yummy, and is pretty good left over. Enjoy!

Baby Room!

2008-09-30T17:29:00.010-04:00

This weekend Danny, his brothers, and his dad spent all day Saturday working on our nursery. I was at work all day, and I came home to a completely different room!!!

When I left - this is what it looked like - yes, along with the pile of junk in the middle of the room.

This is what it looked like sometime in the middle of the day....

And this is what it looked like when I got home!

I absolutely love the room :) It's perfect! I'm always a little afraid that things I like in my head won't look like I imagine them, and it'll already be done, so I won't be able to change it!

My wonderful mother has graciously agreed to make the curtains and a crib skirt for me, and I found the perfect fabric here! I'm excited to see how it looks in the end - and it's been fun to watch it start to come together!

Well...that was Saturday. Sunday was a little bit more of an adventurous day. I was supposed to work on Sunday night, so I was able to go to church on Sunday (a great blessing, especially on a weekend that I'm working!) Unfortunately, I started feeling strange partway through, and began to suspect that I was having some contractions closer to the end of church.

Well, after coming home, resting and drinking water, they had not stopped, but were in fact becoming more regular. So...we spent the next few hours in the hospital. The monitor confirmed the contractions. They did some labs, one of which predicts delivery within the next 2 weeks - which was thankfully negative! My doctor sent us home with instructions to take it easy for a few days, call out of work, and call her today.

The contractions have continued, they kind of come and go with intensity and frequency. Because they're not continuing to get stronger, I will be returning to work on Thursday, but only for 8 hour shifts, not the normal 12.

We are increasingly thankful for God's grace in keeping our little one safe, but I would be lying if I said that we aren't a little anxious as well.

Because of all this, Danny stayed home with me yesterday, and rather than sitting being anxious, we decided that Danny would work on the baby's room some more, with my "supervision" and company. :)

Danny working on the crib

My small amount of assistance :) I wanted to be involved at least in some part!

The final product!!!

We love it - and look forward to lying our little one in this crib, rocking in this room, and adding more designs to the walls, depending on what this little one is!

There's a lot going on here in our house these days, but we're trusting and thanking God for each moment, trying to relish these last months as just the two of us, and looking forward to the day we get to meet our little one - just not too soon!

Under 100!! (We hope)

2008-09-12T14:46:00.003-04:00

Wow! I opened my blog this morning, and I can't believe we have less than 100 days left of this pregnancy (hopefully). In ways it seems like it's gone by quickly, but most of the time it feels like it's been a long time. Not in a bad way at all, it just takes a long time to grow a baby :) Maybe some of that is because we found out only days after we moved into this house, and it feels like we've been here for a while already.

We're still getting ready for this little one to arrive, although I'm feeling much less uptight about it than I thought I might. Mom and I bought fabric for curtains and a crib skirt this week, so we have colors now. I ordered furniture the other day, after months of looking on craigslist and emailing people, and then not hearing back, or hearing that it was sold. JCPenneys was having a sale, and we decided it was worth it to not have to think about it anymore. On Saturday the 27th Danny, along with his dad and brothers, is going to hang the trim and paint the baby's room! It's crazy - completely. It's beginning to feel more real. We registered on Labor day and it was strange to walk around and think about where these things would go in our house, how we'll use them, etc.

Sometimes I don't feel old enough to have a baby yet (I think that's what a lot of other people think too!) but then again, sometimes I don't feel like I'm old enough to have a house, or a real job, or a husband, etc. But, we are very very excited for this new phase, and can't wait to meet our little person!

25 week marveling

2008-09-08T17:20:00.004-04:00

This past week at work I had an interesting, amazing experience. On Saturday, Baby and I hit the 25 week mark of this pregnancy. I realize these 2 things don't seem to have anything in common, but I promise they do :)

At work, we have what is called the "resus" team. This is short for resuscitation team. This team includes a nurse, resident, fellow, and whomever else may be necessary. We attend all premature and otherwise possibly high risk deliveries in order to provide care for the baby. On Friday, I was assigned to the resus team.

Usually, this means that my day would probably include 2 or 3 full-term deliveries that are high risk for whatever reason, or maybe one preterm delivery that we then bring down and admit to our unit. However, on Friday, this meant 5 full-term deliveries that we attended and sent to full term nursery, 1 29-weeker that I admitted to our unit, and one 25-weeker. While I've been resus before, I've never had anything smaller than a 28 weeker, and even then, that was only once. I was definitely nervous knowing that a 25 weeker was on the way, for 2 different reasons. First, 25-weekers are fragile!!! They're still really little, and really early! Stabilizing them is not always easy. Secondly, being 25 weeks pregnant, I wasn't sure how it would feel to see a fresh 25-weeker and be responsible (as part of a team) for the survival of this little one!

God's grace was very evident throughout the delivery and resus of this 25-weeker. The resus went beautifully, the team worked together well, and I was wonderfully supported by both our doctors and my charge nurse. I was so grateful for God's grace throughout the resus! It went as well as it could have, and the little guy did really well! He still has a long road of him, but a good start always helps.

Later on, as I stood by the bedside, I just marveled at the goodness of God. Knowing that this perfectly formed little baby is just about the same as my little one brought me to tears. I wonder, why does God allow mine to stay in my womb and continue to grow when this one was brought out early? On the way home, I heard a song and one of the lines is "God is God and I am not, I can only see a part of the picture He's painting. God is God and I am man, so I'll never understand it all, for only God is God." What a perfect chorus to hear that evening. I am not God, I never will be, and I may never understand it all, but God is God. All I know is that I am amazed at the life He's growing in me, and His goodness to us throughout this pregnancy.

Ahh, vacation...and other details.

2008-08-20T03:49:00.004-04:00

We just got back from 6 wonderful days in St. Petersburg, Florida. In case you didn't know - I LOVE the beach. I love to relax on the beach, read on the beach, play in the sand and the water. I love all times of day at the beach. I enjoy getting out there early when there aren't a ton of people there, I love the hot sun in the middle of the day, I love being snuggled up in a long sleeve shirt and sheet in the late afternoon with that wonderful beach breeze, I love playing in the sand and surf at sunset, and I love to walk late at night on the beach.

The water is so refreshing to me, it's almost as if I can breathe deeper just seeing the ocean!

This past week we got to spend some wonderful time with my sister and her 2 kids and with my parents. The weather wasn't fantastic, but we still enjoyed ourselves on the beach, at the pool, watching the Olympics and eating WAY too much food! I'll post pictures soon - when I get some uploaded.

We are awaiting a new computer at this time, since both of ours have officially declared themselves dead. So...if I don't post, or if you email me and I don't respond quickly, know that I just haven't gotten it :) I only have email when I'm at work right now.

Hoping to be back online soon...

Almost 20 weeks!

2008-07-30T05:55:00.004-04:00

In ways, it feels like this pregnancy is going very quickly, and in others - it seems like December is still a very long way off! :) Now that I am in the second trimester, I am loving every second of being pregnant - well, almost every second anyways. I am almost halfway, and every day I grow more and more in awe of this gift.

We had our extended sonogram last week, and it was such a blast to see our little one move around, count all the fingers and toes, and make sure that everything is going well. I confirmed with the sonographer that there is no evidence of gastroschisis, omphalocele, neural tube defects or cardiac defects. She looked at me like I was kinda crazy until I told her that I'm just a paranoid NICU nurse :)

Doing a headstand! Sweet little face :)

I am feeling him or her move around on an almost hourly basis, which is SO fun!

I'm gonna try to have Danny take some belly pictures soon, I'll get them up as soon as I can.

Now...for you other mommies out there. I am getting ready to register, and wanted to enlist your help. What things did you have that you could not have lived without? What things did you think you would need, but never use? Let me know specific brands even :) And one specific product question - I'm trying to decide between the Graco Quattro Stroller, the Graco Metrolite, and the Chicco travel system - does anybody have experience with any of them? Or either brand in general? Thanks so much!

One of my favorite holidays

2008-07-13T10:36:00.004-04:00

I've decided that next only to Christmas, July 4th is my favorite holiday of the year! Not just the actual day, but the days surrounding it as well. You see, we have great traditions in my family surrounding this holiday. In Western Maryland, there is a huge battlefield called Antietam. Every year, they open this up to the public for a FREE Salute to Independence celebration. It is usually attended by close to 35,000 people, and it is a blast!

We go up in the morning to set up a tarp with our name on it, and leave a car close to the entrance. We spend a few hours playing in the pool at my parents, and depending on how hot it is, go back up around 3 or 4 o'clock. We take chairs, card games, dinner, and have a big picnic on our blankets. At 7 o'clock, the Maryland Symphony Orchestra begins their concert, which consists of all patriotic music, and is the same fantastic performance every year! One of my favorite moments is when they play the Armed Forces Salute, which includes the theme song for each branch of our military, and ask members of each branch to stand when their song is played. They play the Air Force song, and my daddy stands up, and it's one of the proudest moments for me. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. :) You see, growing up in a military family, I am a sucker for patriotic things. I love the music, the red white and blue clothes (yes, possibly even including my underwear for the day) and the feeling of family tradition and fun. I feel like a little kid sometimes, and think that some years, I might enjoy it more than most of them do! The last song (1812 Overture) is accompanied at the end by the cannons going off, and kicks off the beginning of one of the most amazing fireworks shows I've ever seen.

The whole day is a lot of work, a lot of walking, we get home late and sit in a lot of traffic on the way out - but it is without a doubt one of my favorite days of the year. This year was a little different, with less people there, we bought dinner instead of packed it, and it rained on us - a lot, but it was still the wonderful day that I look forward to every year.

I know it is way after the 4th now, but I wanted to share with you this joy of mine.

What is your favorite holiday of the year?

News around here

2008-06-01T21:31:00.007-04:00

What is this?!

Yes, it's true, we're having a baby!

Introducing...Baby Cole!

I know, the picture is not very clear at all. On the actual screen, we could see him/her kicking legs and waving arms, it was very fun :)

Our due date is December 20th, 5 days after Danny finishes his MBA, and 5 days before Christmas :) We like to cut things close around here ;)

He looks a little confused, huh?

We are very excited and feel very blessed at this point in life, and look forward to our little one joining us this winter. More updates to come!

What a gift!

2008-05-12T05:42:00.007-04:00

I just wanted to share one of my greatest blessings in life with you guys. This sweet boy came into my life when I was 13 years old, and although I was not terribly interested in looking for him, we fell in love within hours. He's always been a great listener, although he never has much to say back ;) Let me introduce you to this love...

I started riding when I was 9 years old. I can specifically remember the birthday party with my family when I was given gift certificates for riding lessons. I was elated! I had wanted to start riding for a while, and since we had moved to Maryland, it was much more possible.

I took riding lessons at one facility until I was 10 or so, I guess? It was a very large barn, and the lessons only involved riding - all the horses were groomed and tacked and ready to go when we got there. Mom and Dad wanted me to learn the importance of caring for a horse along with riding, and a little more about the work involved, so I moved facilities somewhere around 10 or 11.

At this new facility, when I arrived for my lessons, I was responsible (with the assistance and supervision of my instructor) for the grooming and tacking of the horse I would be riding for the day. This all had to be done before my lesson time started. Shortly after starting at this facility, I was given the opportunity to lease the horse I was riding for lessons. "Happy Appy" was his name - and I thought he was the most beautiful horse I'd ever seen. Recently, I saw some pictures of him, and he definitely was NOT. But...I thought he was beautiful nonetheless. I had him for about a year and a half, and then my riding abilities began to outgrow his "exercising" abilities. I was absolutely heartbroken the day that my instructor told me it was time to start looking for another horse.

A few weeks later, my parents, my instructor and I drove out to a farm about an hour away, and about an hour later, I fell in love. We walked out into the field, and I saw a beautiful black (in my mind) thoroughbred in tall grass with yellow flowers. I walked him all over the field, brushed him, and followed him around as he wandered the field as well. A few days later, he came to my barn for a 2 week trial. He was a dream to ride, and very well behaved. 2 weeks later, during a lunch at Golden Corral, my parents presented me with a copy of his registration papers, with my name listed as the owner! I was beside myself.

Since then, I have continued to fall in love with this boy. We have had wonderful times together, when we ride for hours on end, day after day. We've also had times where I barely get to even see him, but it is always one of the most refreshing things in my life, when I walk into the barn, smell that wonderful barn smell, and see him point his ears towards me.

The gift my parents gave me that day at Golden Corral has been one of the best in my life, and I could never show them how grateful I am for him. Not just for the enjoyment factor, but for what having him as taught me as well. Caring for him, planning for the purchases that need to be made for him, and scheduling time to see him has taught me responsibility and priorities. Working with him on a day that he is being a pill has taught me perseverance and patience. Enjoying him, spending time on the trails, and doing jumping combinations has taught me how to relax and enjoy my blessings.

This boy has been an amazing gift to me, and will continue to be, I'm sure - for a long time to come.

Mom and Dad, thank you for letting me have this gift, for sacrificing much for me to have him.

Danny, thank you for working so hard to make it so that I can keep enjoying him.

I love this boy. I've ridden many other horses, but I can't imagine that any other will ever come close to the bond I have with this boy of mine.

Thank you Lord, for this gift.

What took you so long?!

2008-04-14T02:17:00.003-04:00

Hi friends, I know this has been around a few times probably, but I think it's hysterical, and hope it brings laughter to your day. :) Now we have an excuse for going in a group!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on th e FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.' In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake . You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you h ave to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your preci ous, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT .
It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

Settling in at home!

2008-04-13T03:09:00.002-04:00

Wow, it has been a crazy week! Sorry for the lack of updates, but we do not have internet at home yet. Needless to say...that is definitely getting old! But, hopefully we should have it sometime soon.

Well, we are getting settled in to our new home - and LOVING it! We had a HUGE amount of help the day we moved - which we could not be more thankful for. On Saturday when we moved, the weather was absolutely beautiful, and the move went very well. Several people stayed at the new house for a little while to help us with the stuff we would need right away. So...we started the move around 10:15, and by 4:00 we were in our new home, with an unpacked kitchen, our bedroom furniture set up, and our entertainment system already functional. What a gift!

Today we were able to paint our bedroom wall, which we were glad to do, and hope to paint our living room and bathroom soon!

I will post pictures as soon as I can - once we have internet again!

Settling tomorrow!

2008-04-03T21:18:00.001-04:00

Hey guys - thanks for your prayers! Just wanted to give a quick update. The house has passed all necessary inspections, and we will be going to settlement at 2:15 tomorrow after our 1:45 final walk-through!! :)

We are very excited, and a little overwhelmed at the idea of getting all these boxes packed!

Thanks for your prayers.

Closing delayed

2008-03-30T21:19:00.002-04:00

Well, we weren't able to settle on the house on Friday. There was some permit that the seller didn't get for the house, and wasn't able to get in time. So...we could use prayer! We were looking forward to painting and cleaning over the weekend, and I'm really having to trust in God that we'll still get in on time.

Please pray that we can get in so we can still move on Saturday! Also pray for my heart and attitude, that I could hand it over to my Lord and be willing to accept whatever the situation is.

Thanks! We'll keep you posted.

Picture frames, anyone?

2008-03-27T02:15:00.025-04:00

Alrighty - we have determined with this move that it was time to get rid of some extra things. If we haven't used it in the last year we've lived in this house and don't have specific plans for it - we don't need it!

So...here they are! We are giving away a ton of picture frames. They are all in good condition - many of them still have the price tags on them. I went through a phase where I bought (or my parents bought for me, would be more accurate) a ton of picture frames, with big plans for printing pictures and having them all displayed, but unfortunately - that just never really happened. So, here are some frames that we've decided we just don't think we'll use. If anybody wants them - just let me know! I'm happy to bring them to church or whatever - I don't mind holding on to them for a bit for my non-local readers if you're interested, I just don't need them long term. Let me know if you're interested! I'll try to delete the pictures as I find out people are interested. There's a lamp in there too, if anybody wants that.

#1

#10

#11

#12

#13

#14

#15

#16

#17

Thanks for looking! Let me know if you're interested in anything, and we'll work it out!

Busy, busy, busy!

2008-03-26T06:44:00.003-04:00

Wow, who ever knew buying a house involved all these details?!

We've been very busy the last few weeks. Between paperwork, loan appointments, packing, and all the other details of normal life - it's been quite hectic around here!

This past weekend, we had a wonderful few days. Friday, Danny was off work, so we were able to spend the day sleeping in, packing, watching a movie, and packing some more. Saturday, Danny spent the morning finishing packing up the office and taking down the computer desk (quite a task) while I did some baking and cooking. Saturday evening we spent celebrating Danny's mom's birthday at Steve and Julia's. It was fun to relax and spend time with family! We left that night and headed straight to my parents for a wonderful day celebrating our Savior with my parents, my best friend growing up, and her parents.

What a fun weekend! Unfortunately, on Monday, it was back to the grind of normal life around here.

We settle on the house on Friday! I'll keep you updated as more details come along.

Pics - as promised!

2008-03-10T02:23:00.007-04:00

Here are some more pictures of the house, as promised! It was great to be able to get back in on Friday for the home inspection. The inspector said it looked great, and other than a few small cosmetic details, nothing needs to be done!

This is the view from the back door (in the kitchen) towards the living room.

This is the master bedroom with the sloped ceiling.

This is the 2nd bedroom upstairs.

We are still very excited about this move :) We are going to settlement on the 28th of March, and plan to move on April 5th, so any local folks who want to help, just let us know!

Boxes and Tips

2008-03-05T09:42:00.002-05:00

Help!!!

Last time we moved, it was out of an apartment and seemed much less overwhelming than this move does for some reason. Other than new furniture, we haven't gotten that much more "stuff", yet the thought of packing is really overwhelming to me.

Does anybody have any moving tips they've found especially helpful?

Also - if anybody local has boxes - we could definitely use some! I could pick them up, or we could get them from you at church.

Thanks!

New home

2008-03-03T12:33:00.006-05:00

We got it!

The little yellow house in the above picture is officially ours!

We will be back in on Friday for a home inspection and will take more pictures then, but here are a few.

I love the window over the sink!

The view as you walk in the front door :)

We don't officially have a settlement date yet, it looks like it'll be towards the end of March, and we'll move soon after!

We are very excited and look forward to this new season of life as homeowners. Thank you for your prayers, and please continue to pray for a smooth transaction.

It's all in His Hands.

2008-02-28T09:58:00.001-05:00

Well, we made the offer! Now we just have to see if they accept. We hope to hear back before the weekend, but would not be surprised if it takes longer than that.

We both feel very much at peace - and know that if this is where He would have us - it will work out.

Thanks for your continued prayers!

House hunting!

2008-02-25T23:30:00.001-05:00

Wow! It's been a long time since I posted - sorry about that!

This past weekend, Danny and I went house hunting with our realtor. We spent 4 hours going through 12 different homes within about 20 blocks of where we currently live. All I can say is WOW - talk about overwhelming!

However, we did find one that we both love! Tonight, around 8:00, we will meet her one more time to look at two more homes, and assuming we don't fall in love with either of those - we will do the paperwork to put an offer on the one we are most interested in at this point.

This whole process has happened so much more quickly than I ever thought...it definitely feels like it has just been a whirlwind!

Would you mind praying with us? We would love to have this home, it seems to have all the things we really would like. More than that though, please pray that God's will would be done. If this is the home for us - we know that He will make it happen, and it will be perfect. But if this is not the home for us - I do NOT want it! So please just pray for peace and a smooth transaction all the way around.

Thank you so much friends! I will update as soon as I can - hopefully with fun details.

Verses

2008-01-30T10:26:00.000-05:00

Well, Leanne had asked for some of the verses I had mentioned in a previous post, so I figured I'd just put them on here!

Isaiah 40:29-31 ~ He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Proverbs 31:25 ~ She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

Colossians 3:22-24 ~ Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

I find this last verse in particular extremely helpful! Most often, I have heard this quoted from verse 23 on, which leaves out the fact that this is directed toward SLAVES! If our Lord calls slaves to work like this, how much more should I, who am gainfully employed, work for the Lord!

Hope these are encouraging to others as well! Do you have any favorite encouraging verses?

"Playing mommy"

2008-01-28T05:45:00.000-05:00

This past week, I had the joy of playing mommy to our nephew Ethan while his mommy was away having his little brother.

It was so much fun! Definitely whet my appetite (as if it really needed much of that) for having our own one day. All in God's timing. I'm trying hard to enjoy the season that we are in now, looking at the positives, and recognizing the blessings of being "DINKS" for now. (Double Income No Kids)

Here are a few pictures of the little guys.

The new little man! James Alexander Cole

Who doesn't want to pick up a sweetie like this?!

How sweet is he? We had lots of fun last week!

Grace

2008-01-28T04:37:00.000-05:00

Last night I was definitely given an extra measure of grace - and I am so thankful!

Little bit of background...this past week, I had the pleasure of "playing mommy" for my nephew Ethan while his mommy had his little brother (pictures to follow soon!). However, with a nice stretch off from work, it is often difficult to come back, especially when my first day back is a weekend.
Last night was no different. Being a saturday, I wanted nothing more than to cuddle up with my hubby to a movie in the evening, or go out with some friends, just about anything would have been better than coming to work on a saturday night. So...when I got here and was informed that I would be moving to a different unit (the peds floor) for the evening, it was one bit more frustrating. I still felt okay about it - and they gave me a baby assignment, which was definitely appreciated! However, I was greatly disoriented, I felt disorganized, and the staff on the floor was less than helpful, to say the least.
For many other reasons, I was overwhelmed, frustrated, and just generally unhappy about this assignment for the night. Initially I did what seems to come naturally first to me, I called Danny on my first break. He was there to provide encouragement, as always, and prayed for me before I got off the phone. Later on - I was able to get in touch with him again, and he gave some verses to think on. At this point, I really was not sure how I would get through the shift, as I was way out of my comfort zone, and for some reason, extremely bothered bythe whole thing.
Somewhere around 4:30, I realized that my shift was beginning to come to a close, and that I had experienced definite peace and comfort through the night, and that my Jesus had indeed given strength when I was weak, and His grace and mercy to walk me through the night.

Just thought I'd share this with you - hope it encourages you - He is always there to meet us and give grace when we ask - and things are much more easily done in His strength than in mine.

Pleading for grace

2008-01-06T05:07:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and it's a concept I'd really like to apply to my life more this year.

Background - On Christmas day, I was driving back to Frederick from work (I worked from 3-11). I was fairly upset, frustrated, and wishing that somehow it could've worked out for me to not have to work on that day.

So...I heard a song that somewhere in it had the line "I'm pleading for grace". I remember nothing else, and I didn't really think anything of it at the time. A little later in the drive, I started thinking about it more. How often, in hard situations do I plead for God's grace? More often than not, I simply ask the Lord to change my situation, remove me from it, or make things go differently. When I thought about it, I realized that what I should be/want to be doing is pleading, not just casually asking, but pleading for grace to get through it! If that is where God has me, I don't want to get out of it - I want to get through it!

This year, I want to spend more time thanking God for difficulties and pleading for His grace to get me through. I'm not likely to do it on my own - so if you hear me doing the opposite - would you remind me of this?

Random facts

2008-01-02T11:37:00.001-05:00

Okay, so I have a lot of things to post about - but until I do...here's a random fun questionairre about me - and I tag whoever reads it :)

1. What is your occupation? Registered Nurse
2. What color are your socks right now? Off white
3. What are you listening to right now? A Friends episode on my tv
4) The last thing you ate? Ghirardelli Dark chocolate square with mint filling - yummy!
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yup!
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Red
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My mom
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes!
9. How old are you today? 23
10. Favorite drink? hot - Peppermint mocha/cold- iced sweet tea
11. What is your favorite sport to watch? To watch - probably olympic gymnastics
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes - don't ever try dark dye over blonde highlights - bad results!
13. Pets? Horse named Jazz
14. Favorite food? BBQ ribs, baked potatoes, chicken fingers, hmm...chocolate of course
15. Last movie you watched? The Great Debaters
16. What do you do to vent anger? Usually talk, or cry
17. Favorite Day of the year? Either christmas or 4th of July
18. What was your favorite toy as a child? Baby dolls
19. What is your favorite, fall or spring? Oh, hard! Probably spring, but now that I'm out of school - maybe fall isn't so bad!
20. Hugs or kisses? Can't I have both?
21. Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry
22. Do you want your friends to post on their blog? Yes!
23. Who is most likely to respond? I don't know!
24. Who is least likely to respond? Umm...my mom - she doesn't have a blog
25. Current living arrangements? A beautiful rowhome in Fells Point with my hubby!
26. When was the last time you cried? The last time I REALLY cried was driving to work on christmas day
27. What is on the floor of your closet? Shoes
28. Who is the friend you have had the longest that might read this? One of my family members
29. The friend you have had the shortest that might read this? Somebody I haven't met yet
30. Favorite smell? Coffee, although my other weird one is the smell of a barn in the winter
31. What inspires you? Family and friends, other stories
32. What are you afraid of? Losing a loved one
33. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheesy!
34. Favorite car? I like my cabrio - but I want an Accord
35. Favorite cat breed? Yeah...I really don't like cats.
36. Number of keys on your key ring? 5
37. How many years at your current job? Almost 6 months!
38.. Favorite day of the week? If I'm not working - Saturday!
39. How many states have you lived in? 4 (South Dakota, Ohio, Alaska and here!)
40. How many countries have you been to? 4(US, Honduras, Dominican Republic, and Bermuda)
41. Today's date and time: 1/2/08 - 11:52 am

I promise - I will have more interesting posts soon!

Lovin' Christmas

2007-12-03T17:05:00.000-05:00

Pretty much my whole life, I have loved christmas. This year has not changed that fact one bit! I love the decorations, the family time, time off to reflect on our Lord, and the joy that seems to be more present during this season!

This year, I found myself committed to a bunch of different christmas activities. This past Saturday, I decorated a table for our ladies' christmas breakfast at church (using mostly my mom's things). I will try and remember to post a picture as soon as I get them. I am also planning our christmas social for caregroup, and having a christmas party at our house.

I am excited about all of these activities! We put up our tree this weekend, it's not decorated yet, but will be soon! I am going christmas shopping with my mom tomorrow, and will spend more time decorating for the rest of the week.

For our christmas social and christmas party, instead of doing a meal, we'll be doing "heavy hors d'ouevres". Does anybody have any recipes for yummy, kind of fancy hors d'ouevres like this?

Hoping you all are enjoying this season as much as I am.

Fun in New Jersey

2007-11-15T04:58:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, Danny and I were FINALLY able to go to New Jersey to spend the weekend with my oldest sister and her family. We've been trying for a few months to see them, and it was such a blessing!

About six months ago, Danny commented on the fact that we have never spent any significant individual time with any of my siblings. Most often in my family, when we get together, everybody is there. While this is an extreme joy, and a great time, it can tend to make good conversation a little bit difficult, with between 4 and 12 kids running around. So, we've determined to make an effort to spend time with each family individually.

This past weekend, Danny had off on Friday, so we left on Thursday night for a much needed time away from Baltimore. We got to Jen's house around 11:30, and collapsed into bed! Friday morning, Danny and Doug (brother-in-law) went out to breakfast with the boys, and since the girls had a sleepover, Jeni and I actually got to spend most of the day out by ourselves! It was such a joy to have uninterrupted conversation with my sister. We wandered through an antique shop/flea market type store, talking about decorating, dreams, and plans. Then we went to McDonald's for lunch and wandered through Michael's a little bit before heading back to meet everybody at the house. The four of us adults went out to dinner on Friday night, and then came home for a movie night with the kids.

On Saturday night, we went to a concert at the church. A group called The Annie Moses Band was there, and they were phenomonal! I had not heard of them before, but it was a wonderful time! The group is comprised mostly of one family. The parents and their 5 children are all amazingly musically talented. I've never seen violins played so well. I look forward to buying some of their music, and hopefully seeing them again someday, although they are not near us anytime soon.

We were amazingly refreshed coming home, and I was reminded again of how blessed I am to have a family that enjoys being together, and while we may have our issues, we truly do love each other, and love spending time together. Thank you Lord for that blessing.

Sometimes I wish...

2007-11-04T03:49:00.000-05:00

I didn't know everything I know.

Sometimes I wish I could turn off a "medical knowledge switch" and play the idiot when it comes to people I know and love.

For example, when my mom fell down my stairs and for weeks afterwards I had nightmares of what could've happened, and how much worse it could've, and probably even should've been. Or a few weeks ago, when my husband had an eye infection, and before the doctor even said anything, I knew that the risk for meningitis was high.

This week at work, I added another "wish I never knew" to my list. I'll spare the details for the rest of you, but I had a beautiful full term baby pass away Friday night on my shift. I spent the day helping the family come to terms with their decision to withdraw support, and spent their final hours with their little boy that they tried so hard to have. It was an emotionally and physically exhausting time.

Working in the unit that I do has been a great experience, but I can only imagine all these experiences and situations that will pop in my head when it is our time to have children, and I will wish I didn't know.

If only I could turn it off. I love what I do - but don't always love having this knowledge when it comes to my own life.

My wonderful birthday!

2007-10-23T15:15:00.000-04:00

Wow...this week has been crazy!

Last week, on Monday, I turned 23. Growing up, birthdays were a HUGE deal in my family. We were allowed to pick the meal for the night, and I (unlike my other siblings, I believe) have never had to go to school on my birthday (except for college!)

Well, this year, I was blessed with an amazing day! I did not have to work (Thank you Lord) but Danny did, or so I thought. I was expecting a fairly normal day at home, with a nice evening out with my husband. A few weeks before, my dear friend Shelbie asked if I could spend the day with her. I was excited to do so, but not excited about being picked up at 8 o'clock! Shouldn't a girl get to sleep in on her birthday!?

Well, Danny and I got up together, got ready, and he left for work. He was overly happy all morning, so I thought something was up. At 8 o'clock, the doorbell rang, and I opened it to find my husband with a big smile, two cups of coffee and muffins for us! Shelbie's getting together with me was just a placeholder for the day, so I wouldn't plan something else!

My wonderful hubby took me to Lancaster PA for the day to spend time at the outlets. I LOVE outlet malls, WAY more than a regular mall. We had a wonderful day, the weather was wonderful, and the sales were great too!

Mid-afternoon, we went to an Amish bakery that he had found for a snack, and we ate dinner on our way home at Smokey Joe's in York PA. I had my favorite dinner of ribs and a baked potato. The day was way over my points - but I decided to write them off for the day and just enjoy my time.

We had a wonderful day - it was a wonderful gift! I got tons of phone calls from family and friends, and was very blessed to have such a great day.

Tribute to Mom

2007-10-12T21:11:00.000-04:00

Mom, these are my thoughts and thanks for you, on (or the day after!) your birthday.

~ Mom, I can not thank you enough for the countless hours you spent in the car when I was growing up. Every day for at least two years, you or Dad drove me to school and picked me up, so that I could go to school with Elisabeth, and be in a more comfortable environment. For countless years, you drove me 45 minutes to and from the barn. You usually brought a book, and in good weather, you sat in your lawn chair, or went to the park, while I spent hours at the barn. In bad weather, you sat in the car with your book, so I could spend time doing what I loved.
~ You threw yourself into every activity I wanted to be a part of, supporting me every step of the way. When it was soccer, I could count on you to always be on the sidelines, cheering me on. When it was chorus, you were at every large concert and small performance, even spending the weekend in Pittsburgh with a bunch of kids you didn't know, just to be by my side. When it was the school musical, I could find you every afternoon in the "sweat shop" alongside other moms, sewing our costumes for our big day. For home ec. in 8th grade, when our teacher barely knew what to do with a sewing machine, you came in to volunteer, so we could actually learn something. In 10th grade history, you drove half an hour each way (an extra time) and came to my class with your sewing machine so I could have an example for my "connections" presentation. For dance, you made our skirts, and pants, and helped us shop for matching tanktops, overalls, shoes, everything we needed for what we pictured. In 12th grade, when Elisabeth and I decided for some reason to put on a production with 150 kids from our daycare, you led a team of 4 other moms, sewing uniforms for our production, and helped backstage in so many other ways that day.
~ You showed me your love in so many ways, that you may think I never noticed. You packed complicated lunches for me, because I was a picky eater, and sandwiches just never were my thing. When I had knee surgery my freshman year, you spent countless nights awake with me, bring me pain meds along with applesauce or crackers every three hours so I wouldn't end up in tears, again. Then, for a month, you drove me back and forth to Towson for class, so I could still go and do well. When I busted it again my sophomore year, you drove my crutches all the way to Towson one morning that you didn't plan to, just so I wouldn't have to lose my decent spot and have to "crutch" all the way across the campus. All through college, you edited every single paper I wrote, often at 2:00 or 3:00 the morning that it's due, because I "just didn't have time" to finish before then. You drove things to me at college in the middle of the night, because I forgot them at home over the weekend.
~ You've listened to me vent for countless phone calls. You've heard my heart when I didn't even know what it was saying, and also helped me to recognize when I'm being a brat about something ridiculous! You helped me work through the hardest year I had, between high school and college, when everything around me was crumbling. You've helped me let go of friendships, and pushed me to find new ones, or restore old ones, when I just didn't think I could.
~Last year, you gave me one of the best gifts you ever could. When I fell in love with an extremely complicated wedding dress, instead of the simple one I thought I wanted, you took a deep breath, smiled, and said "We'll make it work!" You spent countless hours looking for the perfect beads for the dress, at an affordable price. You drove all over, read tons of books, and learned how to hand bead, just so I could have the gorgeous dress that you gave to me. Most of these hours, you were alone, and I was in class, or with Danny, or sometimes with you. You found a church and an affordable caterer for me, so I could have the day of my dreams.

I know we had our rough times, (as I believe every mother and daughter do), but you mean the world to me Mom. I see the things you do for me, although I'm sure there are thousands of others that I will never know. The sacrifices you've made, and continue to make, are not pointless. I walk through every day, knowing that I am loved, and my Mom is there, whenever I need her, for whatever ridiculous thing I ask. We've laughed together, and cried together.

I love you Mom, with all my heart. Thank you for the gifts you give me, every day, in the way you love me.

The family "challenge"

2007-09-28T04:39:00.000-04:00

Thanks for your prayers and your comments everyone after my last post! I am feeling much better, although you may notice that the post time is once again in the middle of the night. ;) I got a chance to catch up on some much needed sleep, and while I am still tired, the last few days have definitely been better.

When I started nursing school in the fall of my junior year, I started gaining unwanted weight, attributed to the high stress levels of the program. I wasn't too worried about it, and figured that once I had time to exercise it would be fine. Well, it is now two years later, and I have tried multiple times to lose weight, and it has just never happened for me. I usually end up extremely discouraged, and with no results.

Because of this, I rarely last more than about four days at any attempt to exercise and "watch what I eat". The problem may be that I "watch" what I'm eating, all the way to my mouth! However, I have started to lose some weight over the summer since the stress of school is over, without really even trying!

A few days ago, I got an email from my sister, challenging members of our family to do Weight Watchers together. So, I agreed! It is a time when I am feeling very ready to do something like this, and the family motivation to do it together will be very helpful for me!

I would love your prayers again - mostly for self-control in sticking with it, but also I really would love to see something work!

With that - has anybody else tried it? Any stories, suggestions, or recipes with points?

I'm starting on Monday, and will let you know how it goes!

Exhaustion

2007-09-24T05:41:00.000-04:00

Currently, it's 5:40 in the morning, and I am 2 1/2 hours away from bed.

This week, I started night shifts at work, and it has been really hard! This (Sunday night) is my third night shift in a row, and I am completely exhausted. I could use your prayers to avoid sickness, frustration, and more exhaustion.

I am still loving my job (although I am needing more reminding of that this weekend) and I am thankful for how God has blessed me with it, and I am thankful that I am not dealing with a harder situation, but it is very difficult to deal with the negative aspects of it sometimes, as it means days and nights away from Danny, and I do nothing but sleep and come back here.

Thank you for your prayers, hopefully I'll be able to blog about something more upbeat tomorrow or the next day, after some much needed sleep :)

California pics

2007-09-18T09:31:00.003-04:00

Here are some pictures of our wonderful 5 days in California!

On the pier the first day we were there :)

One of the crazy huge houses in Beverly Hills

A cafe on the beach where we had lunch, with our toes in the sand.

The reflection pool outside The Getty, a free museum we visited.

This sunset was beautiful!

A cool picture my honey took of the pier.

Saturday we rented bikes and rode along the beach.

I'm not as good at taking moving pictures as Danny is :)

The view from our hike, it was weird to be in a mountain looking at the beach!

The beach was kinda chilly on the last day - but I didn't want to leave!

It was a great blessing to be able to go on this trip, what a beautiful state.

Home again

2007-09-11T19:02:00.000-04:00

Well, after 5 days in wonderful sunny, 75 degree California, the dream had to end, and I flew home yesterday. The remainder of our time was absolutely wonderful. We spent endless hours on the beach, reading, napping, and just chatting.

Saturday morning, we rented bikes and rode along the bike path that runs along the coast. We stopped several times to take a break and rest on the beach. Then, on Sunday morning, we met up with Danny's coworker and our landlord, Katherine, and went hiking somewhere up past Malibu. It was SO cool to be climbing through the mountains, and looking at the ocean at the same time!

These last 5 days were so refreshing for us! Starting this job, our schedule has been really hectic, and we have not gotten much time together just the two of us. It was wonderful to be able to relax, sleep in, talk, snuggle, talk more, watch movies together, and not have anything we were responsible for doing for that long!

Sadly enough, dreams can't last forever, and I'm home now, and Danny's not. :( He is in his training class until thursday, and comes home on Friday. So, until then, I'm here in this big house in this scary city by myself! I tried today to get everything done and ready for the rest of the week (laundry, lunches, etc.) because I have to work wednesday, thursday, and friday this week. Usually by the time I get home from that, I'm pretty exhausted, and very hungry! It'll be a hard few days, but that vacation was totally worth it.

I'll upload pictures sometime when Danny gets home, he still has the cameras, with all the pictures on them!

Yay for vacation!

2007-09-04T20:25:00.000-04:00

We are at the beach! We left early on Wednesday morning for a VERY long flight out here to California! Wednesday we got here around 12:30 California time, which left us with most of the afternoon to explore and get settled in at the hotel. We ate lunch at a cafe on the end of a pier, came to the hotel, unpacked, rested for a bit, and then we got some groceries for lunches so it's not any more expensive than necessary. We fell asleep at 8:30! Something about getting up at 5 o'clock four days in a row just was a little much for us, and it was 11:30 our time.

We're trying not to adjust to the time change too much, as I have to work right when I get home. And though we know it feels like 10:30 to our bodies, there is something slightly disappointing on vacation about waking up and seeing 7:30 on the clock. :)

The beaches here are amazing, they are SOOO long! I love that there is no humidity and such bright sunshine.

Well, we're off to watch a movie before going to the beach, I'll try to post again, but if not, I will post some pics when we get home!

I'm back!

2007-08-31T11:08:00.000-04:00

Last tuesday, sometime soon after the furniture arrived and I posted pictures, my internet stopped working. At first, I didn't really care - it would come back in a few minutes, I was sure. It was storming, so I figured that might have something to do with it.

Hours later - it still was not back! Danny looked at it when he got home, and basically, it was just busted. So, we called Verizon, and they could not come until this past Wednesday!

I have been able to check my email at work, but very quickly, as it's been really busy!

Sorry for being out of touch, hopefully it'll stay working!

My week update:
~ Last friday Danny and I both had off work - which was great - we were desperately needing a date day! We walked down to the coffee shop for breakfast, walked around the water while we drank our coffee, it was great. We had planned to go hiking, but it was about 100 degrees by 11 o'clock, so we vetoed that idea. Instead, we spent the day going through pictures to print and put in albums - we haven't updated ours in about two years! It was a great time - a walk down memory lane!

~ On Monday I found out that my supervisor (once again!) adjusted my work orientation schedule so that I can go to California with my honey! I am SOO excited :) We fly out on Wednesday the 5th, I come home Monday the 10th, and Danny will come home after his training on Friday the 14th. It should be a good time, we are really excited.

What blessings!

It's here!

2007-08-21T09:37:00.000-04:00

It's finally here! I'm uploading a few pictures - which are not very good, but it's something :) Having a very long, skinny room makes it hard to take pictures of the whole thing at once!

I love it :) And it's comfortable - what an idea!

Craziness!

2007-08-17T21:32:00.000-04:00

Wow...these last two weeks have been CRAZY! All good stuff, but I realized this morning as I sat down that this is the first day in two weeks where I am home for more than an hour after work, just to be here.

Last week, I worked Saturday and Sunday. Danny picked me up at work, and took me to the airport, so I could fly to Florida to see my parents, my sister Melissa, and her kids. We had SO much fun! It was REALLY hot, but that never really matters when you're at the beach :) We played in the water for hours on end. Jacob (5) started jumping into the water, even getting his face a little bit wet (huge victory here), and Mattie (1 1/2) stood on the edge yelling "two, two, two" when she wanted to jump in. In the ocean, it was hard to even hold on to her, she just really wanted to be let go! Obviously, not an option. Jacob floated around in the ocean in his life vest, occasionally clinging to me, Mom or Lissa. It was a great time. I had crab legs two nights in a row for dinner, had fun times and conversations with my Mom and sister, and had a great time playing with my niece and nephew. I flew home on Wednesday night, got in at ten, and worked twelve hour shifts on Thursday and Friday.

This past weekend was the first weekend in a month that I haven't had to work! It was wonderful to finally get some extended time with my hubby. This is definitely going to be one of the hardest parts of my job, working weekends and holidays that I would much rather be spending with my honey.

Today though, it is wonderful to be home, getting some desperately needed cleaning done before Danny's parents come tomorrow to stay for a week, and getting OUR NEW FURNITURE! It is being delivered today sometime between 8 and noon. I wasn't too thrilled to get up at 7:30 on my day off, but I can't wait for it to get here! I'll try and post pictures once it's here and set up. :)

Glad to be back - and hoping to post a little more often again!